Meditation's Detriment: My Mindfulness Practice's Unforeseen Negative Impact

Meditation is a practice that has been touted to have numerous benefits, from improving mental health to enhancing one's sense of self-awareness and presence. However, despite its popularity and supposed advantages, some people have chosen to stop meditating for various reasons. For some, meditation may even have adverse effects, increasing anxiety and frustration instead of reducing them. Others may find that it is too time-consuming or challenging to maintain a consistent practice. Additionally, there is a misconception that meditation is a cure-all solution, which can set people up for disappointment when they do not achieve the desired results. This is further exacerbated by the current trend of mindfulness, which suggests that anyone can meditate regardless of their mental state or emotional stability. However, it is important to recognise that meditation may not be suitable or effective for everyone, and there are alternative ways to manage anxiety and improve overall well-being.

Meditation made me more anxious

Meditation is supposed to help with anxiety. But what happens when it does the opposite?

The calm before the storm

I started meditating to cure my anxiety. I was attracted by the promise of inner peace and calmness. I wanted to feel less anxious and more focused. I wanted to be happier and healthier. I wanted to be a better person.

At first, it seemed to work. I felt a sense of inner peace and clarity. I no longer identified with my negative thoughts and feelings. My anxiety was reduced. I was happy and proud of myself.

The storm hits

But then, something changed. I became more aware of my anxiety. I felt overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. I couldn't control them. I tried to slow down my thoughts, to listen to the sounds around me, to feel the aliveness in my hands. But instead of calming me down, it just made me more anxious. I could feel my heart racing. No matter what I tried, I couldn't shake the anxiety.

The eye of the storm

I felt like a failure. I thought meditation was supposed to help me. I thought I was doing it wrong. I felt frustrated and tired. I wondered if I should give up.

Riding out the storm

But then, I realised something. Meditation is not a cure-all. It's not supposed to be a chore. It's not supposed to make me feel worse. It's supposed to bring me joy and clarity. And if it's not doing that, then maybe it's not for me.

So, I decided to stop meditating. And you know what? I don't feel any worse for it. I've found other ways to deal with my anxiety. I write, I play the ukulele, I cook. These things bring me joy and help me exorcise my anxieties. They are my meditation.

The silver lining

Meditation may not have worked for me, but that doesn't mean it won't work for others. It's not a one-size-fits-all solution. We all have our own ways of dealing with anxiety and finding clarity. And that's okay.

I didn't have the time

I had always been intrigued by meditation and its benefits. I was aware of its ability to help me manage my anxiety and lead a healthier, happier life. So, when I started meditating, I was excited to reap the benefits it would bring me. However, I soon realised that I had underestimated the time and effort that meditation demands.

A Demanding Schedule

My schedule is incredibly demanding. I have a busy life and often get home late and have to wake up early. Any spare moment I have is usually spent catching up on sleep or completing work so that I don't fall behind. I soon realised that meditation was just another task on my to-do list, and it began to feel like a chore. I felt that the time I spent meditating could be better spent doing something more productive, like working out or finishing homework.

The Guilt of Not Meditating

When I stopped meditating, I felt like a failure. I felt guilty for not being able to commit to it and wondered if I was doing myself a disservice by giving it up. I felt that I should keep trying, in the hope that I would eventually have a revelation about how beneficial it was for my body. However, I soon realised that there were other activities that brought me joy and helped me manage my anxiety.

Finding Joy in Other Activities

I started writing, learning new songs on my ukulele, and trying out new recipes. These activities gave me a sense of enrichment and creativity, and I felt that I was doing something enjoyable and productive. They helped me manage my anxiety and gave me a sense of calm and clarity. I realised that I didn't need to force myself to meditate if it wasn't working for me.

Meditation Isn't for Everyone

Meditation is a wonderful practice and has helped many people calm their minds and improve their lives. However, it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It is important to recognise that different activities work for different people, and it is okay to stop an activity if it isn't bringing you the desired results or making you feel better.

Finding What Works for You

Everyone has their own way of dealing with life's challenges and finding clarity. For some, it may be meditation, while for others, it may be jogging, knitting, or journaling. The important thing is to find what works for you and makes you feel happy and relaxed.

In conclusion, while meditation can be a beneficial practice for many people, it is essential to recognise that it requires a significant time commitment and may not work for everyone. If you find that meditation is not helping you or is becoming a burden, it is okay to stop and explore other activities that may better suit your needs and bring you joy.

I felt impatient

I was setting myself up for failure by looking for a panacea in the first place. I was desperately trying to be the person I thought meditation would make me. I feared becoming the person I'd be—or rather, the person I'd remain—if I stopped. So I meditated over and over again.

I would sometimes fall asleep during meditation, especially when I tried to meditate in the morning. I would also get stressed about my to-do list. I was short with my husband and grumpy with my son. I was jeopardising my relationships with my husband and kids, which are the most sacred things in the world to me.

I was aware that meditation was supposed to make me more mindful, but I was too impatient to be mindful. I was too impatient to sit still and do nothing. I was too impatient to close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I was too impatient to let my thoughts come and go without judging them or getting frustrated with myself. I was too impatient to meditate regularly.

I felt like a failure for not being able to commit to meditation. I felt like I was doing myself a disservice by stopping. I felt like I was giving up on something that could have helped me. I felt like I was missing out on something that was helping so many other people. I felt impatient with myself for not being able to do something that seemed so simple.

I felt restless

I knew that meditation was supposed to help with these feelings. I'd read about all the benefits: improved focus and motivation, reduced anxiety, and increased happiness. But when I tried it, I just felt more anxious. I felt like I was doing it wrong and that only made me more restless. I couldn't slow down my thoughts, no matter what I tried. I'd try to sit with my thoughts and listen, or I'd try to be present and focus on my surroundings, but nothing helped. I was tired and frustrated.

I knew that meditation was supposed to be about acceptance and non-judgment, but I couldn't help but judge myself. I felt like a failure. I wondered if I was doing something wrong or if meditation just wasn't for me. Maybe I needed to find another way to manage my anxiety and restlessness.

I decided to take a break from meditation and focus on other activities that brought me joy and helped me relax. I tried writing, learning new songs on my ukulele, and cooking new recipes. These activities became my form of meditation. They helped me exorcise my anxieties and gave me a sense of calm. I realized that meditation doesn't have to look a certain way; it's about finding what works for you and making time for activities that bring you peace and clarity.

Now, when I feel restless, I know that I don't have to force myself to meditate in a traditional way. I can find stillness and relaxation through other activities that bring me joy and help me focus my mind.

I fell asleep

Falling asleep during meditation is a common occurrence, especially if you are sleep-deprived. Sleep expert and clinical psychologist Michael Breus, PhD, says that the main reason people fall asleep while meditating is that they are sleep-deprived. If you are already tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or sleep-deprived, your body may interpret your meditation practice as an opportunity to get some much-needed sleep.

Meditation relaxes the body and mind quickly and deeply. This process mirrors what happens when we fall asleep, so if you are sleep-deprived, this movement towards relaxation may be enough to tip you into sleep.

Meditation expert and founder of Susan Chen Vedic Meditation, Susan Chen, agrees that falling asleep during meditation is a sign that your body is fatigued and craving rest. She adds that if you are not getting enough sleep at night (roughly seven to nine hours), it is natural that you will drift off when you get comfortable, relax, and close your eyes.

Additionally, the similarities in brain wave activity between meditation and sleep may also contribute to why people fall asleep during meditation. A 2020 review characterizing meditation with an electroencephalogram (EEG) found that meditation states appeared similar to sleep stages 1 and 2, or non-REM sleep. During deeper states of meditation, researchers observed increases in theta waves and decreases in central beta and low gamma waves, indicating a decrease in high-alert, problem-solving brain waves and an increase in relaxation-related brain waves.

• Meditate sitting up rather than lying down.
• Avoid meditating on or around your bed.
• Meditate in the morning when you are more alert, instead of at night when you are already sleepy.
• Open a nearby window to let in fresh air and additional oxygen, which can help you feel more awake.
• Avoid meditating after eating a big meal, as this can make your body feel heavy and lead to sleepiness.
• Get enough sleep at night, and if you are sleep-deprived, take steps to get more rest.

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