Meditation Envy: Why Do Others' Practices Bother Me?

The idea of meditating can be off-putting to some, as it may seem like a waste of time or an incredibly difficult task. However, meditation is a powerful tool that can help us gain control over our minds and achieve a state of calm and relaxation. While it is natural to feel restless, uncomfortable, or doubtful when meditating, especially for beginners, it is important to be kind to ourselves and approach the practice with patience and compassion.

Meditation is not about clearing our minds or thinking about nothing. Instead, it is about observing our thoughts and bringing our attention back to our breath when our minds wander. This process of meditation is like putting our minds under a microscope, revealing how our minds act in real life. For example, if we find ourselves getting frustrated during meditation, it may indicate that we are carrying anger in our daily lives.

While meditation can be challenging and may reveal aspects of our minds that we would rather avoid, the end result is freedom from the discomforts of everyday life. It is a practice that takes time, energy, and determination, but the benefits are well worth the effort.

I feel restless and uncomfortable when meditating

Feeling restless and uncomfortable during meditation is a common experience, and it's natural to feel this way when starting something new. It's important to remember that meditation is a practice that takes time, patience and compassion towards yourself.

Restlessness during meditation can be a sign of struggling to find stillness. It's common to try to force yourself to stop feeling restless, but this can create more tension and agitation. Instead, try to let go of the feeling and shift your attention to your breath. Labelling the feeling as "restlessness" and treating it like any other distraction can help you manage it. You can also try expanding your field of attention to include your whole body and the sounds in your environment, making the uncomfortable feelings less dominant in your awareness.

If you feel uncomfortable when meditating, it might be helpful to get curious about what's going on in your head. See if you can pause and notice the sensations in your body that correlate with the feeling of restlessness. By observing and allowing these sensations to move through your body, you can prevent yourself from fuelling the energy of restlessness.

Meditation is not about controlling your thoughts or emptying your mind. It's about being aware of your thoughts and returning your focus to your breath when your mind wanders. Remember that it's normal to experience challenges and discomfort during meditation, and that everyone encounters bumps along the way. With practice and patience, you will gradually feel more comfortable, confident and calm in your meditation practice.

I feel like I'm doing it wrong

It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. It is a challenging practice that takes time, energy, and patience. If you feel like you're doing it wrong, you might be trying too hard to control your mind and your practice. Remember, meditation is not about mind control, it's about being comfortable with your mind just as it is.

When you meditate, you might feel restless, uncomfortable, overwhelmed, doubtful, or worried that you're doing it wrong. These feelings are normal, and even seasoned meditators experience them. It's important to be kind to yourself and approach each obstacle with compassion.

• Recognize that the thought "I'm doing it wrong" is just that—a thought. Let it go and return your focus to your breath. It's okay if you have to do this multiple times during your meditation practice.
• Start small. If you're new to meditation, begin with a one-minute breathing exercise or a short guided meditation, and gradually increase the duration.
• Be clear about your motivation for meditating. Why do you want to meditate daily? Are you seeking to reduce reactivity, increase presence, or find a better work-life balance? Having a clear motivation can help you stay motivated and committed to your practice.
• Understand that boredom is inevitable during meditation, even for experienced meditators. Instead of resisting it, stick with it, observe it, and see where it takes you.
• Remember that your mind will wander, and that's okay. The process of meditation is to simply be aware of the thoughts that arise and gently bring your attention back to your breath or object of focus.
• Be curious about your thoughts and sensations during meditation. If you feel a strong pulse or sense of anxiety, for example, try to observe it without judgment. What exactly are you focusing on—the sound or the sensation? Where do you feel it, and how would you describe it?
• Be patient with yourself and your practice. Learning to meditate is like learning any new skill—it takes time and consistency.

Remember, the only goal during meditation is to stay present and let go of thoughts or feelings as they arise. With practice, you'll become more comfortable with your meditation practice and learn to let go of the feeling that you're doing it wrong.

I don't have time to meditate

It's understandable that you might feel you don't have time to meditate. Life is busy, and it can be challenging to find the time to sit in silence or engage in a formal meditation practice. However, it's important to remember that meditation doesn't have to take up a lot of time, and there are many ways to incorporate it into your daily routine. Here are some tips to help you get started:

Start Small

You don't need to meditate for hours or even an hour each day to reap the benefits. Start with a few minutes at a time. A one-minute breathing exercise or a 3-5 minute guided meditation can be a great way to begin. You can gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice.

Combine with Existing Routines

Try adding meditation to your existing daily routines. For example, you can meditate for a few minutes when you wake up in the morning, while brushing your teeth, or before going to bed. This helps trick your mind into resisting less and makes it easier to build the habit.

Walking Meditation

Walking meditation is a classic style of meditation that allows you to combine your walk to work, to a meeting, or even to the coffee shop with your mindfulness practice. Here's how you can do it:

• Notice that you are walking: This may seem obvious, but acknowledging that you are walking and that you have a brief space to shift your attention to the present moment is the first step.
• Slow down: Notice your pace and try to slow down a little. Find a natural pace that allows you to pay closer attention to your surroundings and sensations.
• Anchor your attention to your feet: Pay attention to the sensations in your feet as you walk. Notice the rhythm, the contact with the ground, and the subtle qualities of walking.
• Open all your senses: Once your mind has stabilized, open up your awareness to the sights, sounds, and sensations around you. You'll start to feel like you're watching reality like a movie, fully immersed in the present moment.

Give Time to Others

According to research by Harvard, Pennsylvania, and Yale universities, participants reported feeling that they had more time when they did small acts of kindness for others, such as writing a kind note. Giving your time to others can help you feel less rushed and more fulfilled.

Remember "RAIN"

When you're feeling overwhelmed, the RAIN practice can help you feel more grounded:

• Recognize what is going on.
• Allow the experience to be there without judgment.
• Investigate with kindness.
• Natural awareness arises from not identifying with the experience.

Meditation doesn't have to be a time-consuming or challenging task. By incorporating these simple practices into your daily life, you can experience the benefits of mindfulness and make the most of the time you have.

I feel bored when meditating

Meditation is a practice that teaches us to be comfortable with our minds just as they are. It is not about mind control, magic, or a superpower. It is a practice that requires time, energy, grit, determination, discipline, and other qualities that can be summed up in the word "gumption".

Meditation can help us truly experience life, rather than letting it pass us by. It can help us manage our thoughts and feelings and be more present and mindful. However, it can be challenging and time-consuming, and many people struggle to stick with it.

Boredom is a common issue that people face when meditating. It can be challenging to stay focused and present, and the mind often wanders. Here are some tips to help with boredom during meditation:

• Start small: If you can comfortably sit for 5 minutes every day, don't suddenly try to meditate for 30 minutes. Gradually increase the duration of your practice.
• Make boredom the object of your meditation: Instead of thinking you're meditating incorrectly, focus on the boredom itself. Explore how you know you're bored and what specific sensations you're perceiving.
• Be more mindful: Remind yourself to be curious about the present moment and look for finer details in your experience, which will increase your interest and concentration.
• Identify and address the five hindrances:
• Desire for sense pleasure: The longing to be experiencing something else.
• Ill will: Hatred, anger, negative thoughts, and ruminations about the present or past.
• Sloth and torpor: Laziness or drowsiness.
• Agitation and restlessness: The urge to get up and stop meditating.
• Doubt: Doubt in your meditation practice and its effectiveness.
• Practice regularly: Repeat your meditation practice regularly, even if for short periods. This will help you develop your capacity for ongoing curiosity and stay engaged.
• Be aware of your "why": Understanding your motivation for meditating can help you stay focused and engaged. It can be easier to stick with meditation when you have a clear purpose, such as managing anxiety or improving focus.

Remember, meditation is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. Be patient with yourself and keep experimenting with different techniques to find what works best for you.

I can't stop thinking during meditation

Firstly, it's important to remember that meditation is not about stopping thinking. It is about concentrating on your breath and body sensations. It is normal to get distracted during meditation, especially in the initial stages. However, with time and practice, you will get better.

• Focus on your breathing. Observe your abdomen movements and your chest. When thoughts arise, bring your attention back to your breath.
• Try not to worry about the thoughts that come to you. Observe them from afar and return to your breathing.
• Practice meditation in a comfortable position, sitting on the floor with a cushion or on a chair with both feet flat on the ground. Keep your spine straight but relaxed.
• Avoid lying down to meditate, especially if you tend to fall asleep. Sitting upright will help you stay awake.
• If you are still struggling to stay awake, try meditating at a different time of day, when you are more alert.
• Experiment with different styles of meditation to find what works best for you. For example, if you are a visual learner, try meditations with visualization. If you learn best by listening to instructions, try mantra meditations.
• Start with shorter meditations, such as one-minute breathing exercises, and gradually increase the duration.
• Journal before you meditate to get any worries or thoughts out of your mind and create a clear mental space.
• Remember that there is no right or wrong way to meditate. Everyone's practice will look different, and that's okay!

Frequently asked questions