
Romance is a popular topic in our culture, with music, movies, plays, and books capitalizing on our fascination with romantic love. But what does the Bible say about it? The Bible, also known as God's love letter to humanity, contains creative expressions of love between humans and God. While love and romance are intertwined, they are not identical. Romance in the context of a pure and committed relationship can enhance that connection and increase the enjoyment of married love as God intended. However, romance for the sake of romance can be destructive, leading to addiction and unrealistic expectations. The Bible gives examples of both positive and negative romances, such as Jacob's romance with Rachel and Samson's downfall when he let his emotions rule him. Ultimately, pursuing the Holy Spirit's leading in our relationships is wiser than following our hearts, which can easily lead us into deception and sin.
Characteristics | Values |
---|---|
Romance in the Bible | Romance is acceptable and even applauded by God |
Romance in a relationship | Romance in the context of a pure and committed relationship can enhance that relationship and increase the enjoyment of married love |
Romance as an addiction | Romance can become an addiction, similar to drugs, as it produces a chemical deluge in the brain |
Unrealistic expectations | Consuming "emotional porn" such as romance novels, chick flicks, and sexually-themed TV shows can lead to unrealistic expectations in real-life relationships |
Relationship addiction | Some people diagnosed with "relationship addiction" may be addicted to the feelings produced by "falling in love" |
Pursuing romance vs pursuing love | Pursuing the Holy Spirit's leading in relationships is more important than pursuing romance; love and romance are not identical |
What You'll Learn
Romance in the Bible
God's View of Romantic Love
The Bible teaches that romantic love is a gift from God and should be welcomed as such. In Genesis 2:18 and Matthew 19:4-6, God observes that people should not be alone, and thus, he created a way for a man and a woman to know each other intimately, exclusively, and sexually. This love and sex are meant to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. The Song of Songs, a book of the Bible, is dedicated to the subject of love and reinforces the sacred place of sexuality in God's design for humanity.
Romance in the Afterlife
Jesus teaches that in the afterlife, people will not be married (Matthew 22:30). The Apostle Paul, in his letters to the Corinthians, elevates celibacy as an ideal state for carrying out focused ministry (1 Corinthians 7:29-31). Thus, love and romance should be understood as gifts that pale in comparison to the gift of knowing and loving God (Psalm 73:25-26).
The Nature of Romantic Relationships
The Bible defines love as self-sacrifice and mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21), with each person finding their identity primarily in Christ rather than their spouse. Romantic relationships should be based on love and mutual submission, with neither spouse emotionally or spiritually manipulated into losing their personal identity.
Timing of Romantic Love
The Bible acknowledges that there are seasons when romantic love is not appropriate or beneficial for an individual's life (Ecclesiastes 3:8; Solomon 2:7). This implies that casual dating or dating without the discernment of marriage as the ultimate goal is not in line with biblical teachings.
Relationship Status and Self-Worth
The Bible emphasizes that a person's worth is found in Christ alone (Ephesians 2:4-7). Every individual is priceless in God's eyes, regardless of their relationship status. Self-worth should not be determined by perceived desirability or whether one is in a romantic relationship.
Seeking a Romantic Partner
The Apostle Paul describes the life of the church as a community that brings people to full maturation in Christ (Ephesians 4:1-16). Investing in this community helps shape individuals into the character and quality that is attractive in God's kingdom. Instead of despairing over finding a romantic partner, the Bible encourages focusing on faithfully following Jesus, demonstrating commitment to a future spouse, and responding appropriately when the right person comes along.
Romantic Love as a Symbol
Scripture uses metaphors of God being betrothed to his people, indicating that romantic love is a symbol and pointer to our unique relationship with God (Hosea 2:14; Isaiah 62:5; Jeremiah 2:2; 2 Corinthians 11:2; Revelation 19:7-8). Some Christian traditions consider marriage to be a sacrament, an outward sign of inward grace, reminding the world of Jesus' love for his people.
Limitations on Romantic Interests
The Bible teaches that Christians should limit their romantic interests to other Christians due to the spiritual and practical implications involved in making a lifelong covenant (1 Corinthians 7:39).
Examples of Loving Relationships in the Bible
The Bible contains several stories of loving relationships that help us understand true love, such as the story of the first man and woman in Genesis, Ruth's expression of loyal love in the book of Ruth, Joseph's lovingkindness towards Mary in the Christmas story, and Jesus' ultimate example of love in the garden of Gethsemane.
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Love vs. Romance
Romance is an emotional excitement or attraction that a specific person or situation elicits in another. It is a popular topic in our culture, with music, movies, plays, and books capitalizing on our fascination with romantic love. While the Bible is often referred to as God's love letter to humanity, it also contains creative expressions of love between human beings and God. Love and romance are intertwined but distinct; we can have romance without real love, and we can love without feeling romantic.
The Bible's View on Romance
The Bible includes books such as the Song of Solomon, which is filled with romantic demonstrations of love between a bride and groom. God's inclusion of this book in the Bible suggests that romance is acceptable and even applauded by the Creator. Romance in the context of a pure and committed relationship can enhance that relationship and increase the enjoyment of married love as God intended.
The Danger of Romance
However, romance for the sake of romance can be destructive. Most romances begin with the delightful sense of "falling in love," which produces a chemical reaction in the brain similar to drug use. This can become an addiction, leading to unrealistic expectations in real-life relationships. Researchers estimate that the intense "in-love" feeling can only be sustained for a maximum of two years, and for those addicted to romance, its loss signals the end of the relationship.
Love in the Bible
While romance can be positive, love is a deeper and more enduring emotion. The Bible details qualities of love that have nothing to do with the emotions of romance. For example, Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for sinners was the ultimate expression of love, but it was not a romantic act. Pursuing the Holy Spirit's leading in our relationships is more important than pursuing romance, and when we do, godly romance can be a gift from our heavenly Father.
In conclusion, while romance is not inherently sinful, it can become an addiction that leads us astray. Love, on the other hand, is a deeper and more enduring emotion that should be the foundation of our relationships. When we pursue love first, romance can enhance our relationships and bring us closer to God.
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God's emotional love
The Bible is filled with countless examples of God's love for his people. This love is expressed in the poetry of the psalter, through the Law, and in God's actions in the Old Testament. The ultimate expression of God's love is the sacrifice of his son, Jesus Christ: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends" (John 15:13).
The book of Hosea describes the tension between God's love and justice. Hosea illustrates this tension through the prophet's marriage to Gomer, a woman who is unfaithful to him. Despite Gomer's adultery, Hosea buys her back, reflecting God's faithfulness and loving kindness towards his people, who continue to abandon him. Hosea 11:8 captures God's emotional struggle: "How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboyim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused." Despite his people's rebellion, God's compassion is stirred, and he chooses not to abandon them.
Hosea 11 also portrays God's love through the image of a parent. God speaks of adopting his people, teaching them to walk, comforting them, and easing their burdens (Hosea 11:1, 3, 4). This love is deeper than even the closest human relationships. Yet, God's people continue to turn away from him, leading to a conflict between God's love and his anger (Hosea 11:6, 7).
In the New Testament, the theme of love through judgment is prominent, with Hosea 11 quoted by Matthew (Matthew 2:15). Hosea anticipates Jesus as the ultimate example of God's emotional love, who leads his people out of slavery to sin and towards reconciliation with God. This is further emphasized in Romans 5:8: "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Loving God is both an emotion and a decision. Jesus commands us to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind" (Luke 10:27; Mark 12:30; Matthew 22:37). The Greek word for "love" used in reference to God is "agape," meaning "benevolence, delight, preference, or goodwill" (Zephaniah 3:17; John 3:16). We are called to choose to love God and, in doing so, we open ourselves to the emotions that accompany it. As we grow in our knowledge of God, we begin to love his characteristics, such as wisdom, truth, righteousness, and purity (Psalm 11:7; 90:12; Hebrews 1:9; 1 Timothy 6:11).
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Romance as an addiction
While romance or romantic love is not considered a sin in the Bible, it is possible to be addicted to it. Romance addiction, also known as love addiction, is a condition where a person develops an unhealthy and obsessive fixation with a love interest. It is important to note that this is distinct from healthy romantic relationships, but the line between the two can be blurry.
Symptoms of Romance Addiction
Romance addiction can manifest in various ways, and it is important to recognize these signs to identify unhealthy patterns. Some common symptoms include:
- Constantly seeking or thinking about romantic relationships
- Rushing into intense and messy relationships
- Feeling dependent on a partner and prioritizing them over family and friends
- Becoming depressed when romantic advances are not reciprocated
- Staying in unhealthy or toxic relationships
- Making impulsive decisions based on emotions toward a partner
- Obsessive thoughts or behaviors, such as stalking or excessive contact
- Fear of commitment or abandonment
- Low self-esteem and a belief that one is not loveable
Types of Romance Addiction
Romance addiction can take different forms, and individuals may fall under multiple categories or go through phases.
- Romance Addiction: Consumed by ideas of fairy-tale love and the sensation of being in love. This can lead to being out of touch with reality, stalking, or creating unrealistic romantic scenarios.
- People Addiction: The belief that one "needs" another person in their life, even if it involves suffering. This can lead to extreme behaviors such as stalking, harassment, or even assault.
- Sex Addiction: Obsessive thoughts about sex and seeking sexual gratification in ways that have negative consequences, such as risky sexual behavior or sabotage of real connections.
Causes and Triggers
The exact causes of romance addiction are not well understood, but research suggests that trauma, genetics, and the euphoria associated with being in love may play a role. The brain chemistry involved in substance dependence and addiction has similarities with the patterns observed in romance addiction, including emotional dependency, cravings, mood swings, and loss of self-control.
Treatment
Like other forms of addiction, treatment for romance addiction typically involves therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps individuals cope with triggers and addictive behaviors. There is no specific medication for romance addiction, but antidepressants and mood stabilizers may be used to manage symptoms of obsession and impulsivity. Recognizing the problem is a crucial first step, as people with romance addiction often struggle to admit their obsessions or understand why they are problematic.
Coping Strategies
While seeking professional help, individuals with romance addiction can try the following strategies:
- Learn to be alone and spend time on self-growth and self-care.
- Identify recurring patterns in romantic history and triggers for addictive behaviors.
- Rely on friends and family for support.
- Join support groups or twelve-step programs like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA).
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Godly romance as a gift
Romance is a popular topic in our culture. Music, movies, plays, and books capitalize on our fascination with romantic love and its endless expressions. Romance, in the context of a pure and committed relationship, can enhance that relationship and increase the enjoyment of married love as God intended.
The Bible, often referred to as God's love letter to humanity, contains creative expressions of love between human beings and God. While love and romance are intertwined, they are not identical. We can have romance without real love, and we can love without feeling romantic. Romance in a relationship can be a gift from God.
The Song of Solomon, a book in the Bible, is filled with romantic demonstrations of love between a bride and groom. This inclusion in the Bible indicates that romance is acceptable and even applauded by God. Romance can enhance a relationship and deepen the enjoyment of married love.
However, romance for the sake of romance can be destructive. Most romances begin with the delightful sense of "falling in love," which can be intoxicating due to the release of adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin in the brain. This chemical response can cause an addiction to the feeling of being "in love," leading to unrealistic expectations in real-life relationships.
The Bible gives examples of both positive and negative romances. Jacob's story in Genesis 29 depicts his romance with Rachel, for whom he was willing to work for seven years. On the other hand, Samson's downfall in Judges 14 began when he let romance dictate his decisions rather than following God's direction.
Pursuing the Holy Spirit's leading in our relationships is always wise. When we pursue love, godly romance can be a gift from our heavenly Father. Romance in a pure and committed relationship can be a beautiful expression of love that deepens the bond between two people.
In conclusion, while romance can be a gift from God, it should be approached with caution to avoid addiction and unrealistic expectations. Pursuing love and following the Holy Spirit's leading will result in godly romance that enhances a committed relationship.
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Frequently asked questions
Romance is not a sin according to the Bible. The Bible includes the Song of Solomon, a book filled with romantic demonstrations of love between a bride and groom. However, the Bible differentiates between love and romance, and warns against the pursuit of romance for its own sake, which can be destructive.
While the Bible includes creative expressions of love between human beings and God, it also acknowledges that love and romance are not identical. We can have romance without real love, and we can love without feeling romantic. For example, Jesus's death on the cross was the ultimate expression of love, but it was not a romantic act.
Yes, according to the Bible, romance can be negative if we let our emotions rule our lives. For instance, in Judges 14, romance got Samson into trouble when he allowed his emotions to dictate his decisions rather than following God's direction.
Christians should pursue the Holy Spirit's leading in their relationships rather than simply following their hearts. While it is wise to pursue love, godly romance can be a gift from God when we are in the pursuit of showing love to someone special.