Lusting After Your Spouse: Sin Or Celebration?

Lust is often presented as something negative in the Bible, but is it possible to lust after your spouse? This is a complex question that has been the subject of much debate among Christians. Some argue that lust is a strong, selfish, and unsatisfiable desire that is destructive and always means violating God's laws. However, others suggest that lust is simply a desire, and there is nothing wrong with desiring your spouse. The key distinction, according to some, is whether the desire is mutual and beneficial or whether it objectifies and mistreats the spouse.

Lusting after your spouse is not a sin if it is a healthy expression of your marriage

In a marriage, it is normal and expected for spouses to desire one another sexually. This desire is not lust, as it is not a misplaced or illegitimate desire. Instead, it is a natural expression of the physical, emotional, and spiritual unity between a husband and wife.

The Bible describes the pleasure that spouses find in marriage, such as in Proverbs 5:18-19, which encourages husbands to rejoice with their wives and find pleasure in their love. Similarly, 1 Corinthians 7:3 states that husbands and wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs, emphasising the mutual and reciprocal nature of sexual intimacy in marriage.

However, it is important to recognise that lusting after your spouse can become sinful if it involves objectification or a lack of regard for their needs, preferences, and desires. For example, insisting on sexual relations without considering your spouse's desires would be selfish and inconsiderate.

As long as lust within marriage remains a healthy expression of love and physical intimacy, it can be a positive aspect of the relationship. This includes certain fantasies, as God allows husbands and wives to define the particulars of their sexual relationship, as long as it does not violate Scripture.

In conclusion, lusting after your spouse is not inherently sinful if it is a reflection of a healthy and mutual desire within the marriage. The key distinction lies in ensuring that the spouse is not objectified or pressured into any form of sexual activity that they are uncomfortable with.

Sexual desire and lust are not the same

Lust is a misplaced or illegitimate desire. In the context of marriage, lust can be defined as insensitivity or disregard for the needs, preferences, and desires of your spouse. For example, if a husband does not consider his wife's desires and pleasures and instead insists on having his way, it would be selfish and inconsiderate.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is a wondrous, beautiful, holy, self-transcending, and sacramental experience within marriage. It is the ultimate expression of physical, emotional, and spiritual unity between a husband and wife. It is a mutual experience centered on the satisfaction of both partners.

In summary, lust is a perverted version of sexual desire, seeking only physical gratification without regard for the other person. It does not seek union or knowledge of the other person and does not have their best interests at heart. Sexual desire, on the other hand, is a natural and mutual experience that seeks to honour and cherish the other person.

Lusting after your spouse is a sin if you view them as an object to serve your pleasures

Lust is often presented as something negative in the Bible. It is about desiring something that is not yours to have. It is an unhealthy and destructive desire, as acting on it means violating God's laws and other people's rights.

In the context of marriage, lusting after your spouse is a sin if you view them as an object to serve your pleasures. If your sexual desire for your spouse becomes selfish, humiliating, and demanding, then it is a sin. Lust is a selfish desire to use a person without regard for what is best for them. They become objects to serve your pleasures, rather than subjects made in God's likeness and deserving of dignity.

However, it is important to distinguish lust from natural and healthy sexual desire within marriage. God created sex, and it is a wondrous, beautiful, and holy experience that reflects the loving goodness of God. Sex is central to the process by which a husband and wife become one flesh. It is a mutual experience about the satisfaction of both partners. The Bible says that husbands and wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs.

So, while it is a sin to lust after your spouse if you objectify them, it is not a sin to have a healthy sexual desire for them.

Lusting after your spouse is a sin if your fantasies involve someone else

Lust is often associated with desire, but the two are not the same. According to the Bible, lust is about desiring something that is not yours to have. It is an unhealthy, selfish, and destructive desire that leads to the violation of God's laws and other people's rights. In the context of marriage, lust can be defined as a desire for someone other than your lawfully wedded spouse.

Sexual desire within marriage is considered good, natural, and normal. God created sex and intended for it to be a mutual and satisfying experience for both partners. However, when sexual fantasies involve someone other than your spouse, it can lead to objectification and introduce external influences into the intimate relationship, causing harm or separation.

The Bible provides guidance on distinguishing between lust and sexual desire. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, the apostle Paul writes about the importance of controlling one's body in holiness and honour, implying that there is a sinful way to treat your wife in sexual relations. Similarly, in 1 Corinthians 7:3, Paul encourages couples not to deprive one another of normal marital relations, emphasising the mutuality of sexual pleasure in marriage.

Pastor John Piper clarifies this distinction by stating that sin occurs when "a husband imagined sin or desired sin or took on attitudes to his wife in his heart that would be wrong in the bedroom." Therefore, it is essential to consider the impact of fantasies on your spouse and ensure that they do not involve other parties, as this can lead to an adulterous mindset.

In conclusion, while lusting after your spouse is generally not considered a sin, it becomes sinful when fantasies involve individuals outside of the marriage. It is crucial to approach sexual fantasies with caution and ensure they align with biblical principles, prioritising the well-being and mutual satisfaction of both partners.

Lusting after your spouse is a sin if your fantasies make your partner feel ashamed

Lust is often associated with negative connotations, as it is presented in the Bible as something destructive and unhealthy. However, lust within a marriage is a complex issue. While it is natural and normal for spouses to desire each other sexually, lust can become a sin if it harms, objectifies, or disrespects one's partner.

In the context of marriage, lust can be considered a sin when it leads to fantasies that make one's partner feel ashamed or uncomfortable. This could include fantasies that involve other people or that are not mutually agreed upon by both spouses. For example, if one spouse fantasizes about someone else during sexual relations with their partner, it could be considered a form of adultery and a violation of the intimacy and trust within the marriage.

Additionally, lust can become a sin when it involves insensitivity or disregard for the needs, preferences, and desires of one's spouse. For instance, if a husband insists on fulfilling his desires without considering his wife's wishes, it would be considered selfish and inconsiderate.

To avoid lust becoming a sin, spouses should nurture healthy sexual imaginings that are mutual and uplifting for their relationship. They should also communicate openly about their desires and fantasies, ensuring that both partners are comfortable and respected.

In conclusion, while lust within a marriage can be complex, it is important to ensure that any fantasies or desires do not cause harm, shame, or discomfort to one's spouse. By prioritizing mutual respect, sensitivity, and open communication, spouses can navigate their sexual relationship in a way that is honouring and pleasing to both partners.

Frequently asked questions