Lusting After Your Wife: Sin Or Natural Desire?

Lusting after your wife is a topic that has been widely discussed and debated. While some people believe that lusting after your wife is a sin, others argue that it is perfectly normal and healthy within a marital relationship. The Bible offers conflicting messages on this topic, with some verses condemning lust and others celebrating marital desire and sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide what they believe is right or wrong in this situation.

Is it a sin to lust after your wife?

Lust is generally considered a sin in most religions, but is it a sin to lust after your wife? The answer is a bit complicated.

Lust is defined as a very strong sexual desire. While the Bible says not to covet your neighbour's wife, it is not wrong to covet your own. In fact, the Bible encourages sexual desire between husband and wife. Proverbs 5:19 says:

> A loving doe, a graceful doe– let her breasts always satisfy you; be lost in her love forever.

The Song of Solomon, or Song of Songs, is a book in the Bible that describes two married people enjoying each other sexually and lusting after each other.

However, lusting after your spouse can become a problem if it objectifies them and reduces them to an object of sexual gratification. In this case, lust becomes a sin because it places the spouse on a pedestal, or as a god, rather than treating them with the dignity and respect that is deserved as a person made in the image and likeness of God.

So, while it is not a sin to have a strong sexual desire for your wife, it becomes a problem when it becomes selfish and demanding, or when it involves outside factors such as pornography, which can taint the marriage bed and the sacred bond of marriage.

The Bible's view on lust

In the Bible, lust is generally portrayed as a selfish and objectifying desire that reduces a person to an object of sexual gratification. This is in contrast to love, which involves selflessness, mutual respect, and cherishing the other person. When it comes to lusting after one's spouse, the line between lust and desire can become blurred.

Some Christians argue that lusting after one's spouse is impossible by definition since lust implies a desire for something that one does not have, and a spouse is already part of the marriage covenant. In this context, it is appropriate and encouraged to have strong sexual desires for one's spouse. The Bible even celebrates marital desire and sexual intimacy in passages like the Song of Solomon, which depicts a husband and wife's passionate yearning for each other.

However, it is important to note that even within marriage, lust can become sinful if it becomes selfish or involves outside influences like pornography. Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, raises the bar for sexual purity by emphasizing that it is not just about physical actions but also about one's thoughts and intentions. Therefore, lusting after one's spouse can become sinful if it involves objectification, using the spouse as a means of gratification without regard for their needs and desires, or fueling fantasies with outside images.

Overall, the Bible's view on lust in marriage is nuanced. While it is appropriate and healthy to have strong sexual desires for one's spouse, it is important to do so in a way that honors and cherishes them as individuals made in the image of God.

Lust vs desire

Lust and desire are two very different things. While desire is a natural part of a healthy relationship, lust is often associated with something negative.

Lust is typically defined as an intense sexual desire that is fuelled by prolonged mental fantasies and visual stimuli. It is often associated with the objectification of another person, reducing them to a mere object of carnal satisfaction.

In a religious context, lust is considered a sin. In Christianity, for example, Jesus teaches that even looking at a woman with lust is a form of adultery. However, this does not mean that sexual desire within a marriage is wrong. In fact, it is encouraged and celebrated.

So, how can you tell the difference between lust and desire?

Lust is often characterised by a desire to possess and use another person for one's own pleasure, rather than an attraction that seeks to nurture and care for another. It can involve fantasies and stimuli outside of the relationship, such as pornography, which can lead to mental infidelity even if physical monogamy is maintained.

Desire, on the other hand, involves respecting and honouring your partner, seeking to bring them pleasure and delight, and creating situations of mutual joy. It is about serving your partner and putting their desires and pleasures first, rather than simply taking or demanding.

Therefore, while lusting after your wife is possible and may be considered a sin, desiring her is not only natural but encouraged within a healthy marriage.

Lusting after your wife: a sin or not?

There are differing opinions on whether lusting after your wife is a sin or not. Some people believe that lusting after your wife is a sin because it objectifies her and reduces her to an object of sexual gratification, which goes against the idea that she is made in the image and likeness of God and should be treated with honour and respect. On the other hand, others argue that lusting after your wife is not a sin but rather a healthy part of a marital relationship. They believe that God intended for spouses to have a strong sexual desire for each other and that it is natural and appropriate to feel this way within the confines of marriage.

The Bible offers guidance on this topic, and there are several interpretations of the relevant verses. Some people interpret the Bible as condemning lust in all forms, including within marriage. They argue that lust is a selfish and insatiable desire that objectifies the object of affection and reduces them to a means of sexual gratification. In this context, lusting after one's spouse would be considered a sin. However, others interpret the Bible as distinguishing between lust and desire, with lust being directed towards someone outside of marriage and desire being appropriate within the marital relationship. According to this interpretation, it is not a sin to desire your spouse sexually, as this is part of God's plan for marriage.

Ultimately, the question of whether lusting after your wife is a sin or not depends on how one defines "lust" and interprets the relevant Biblical passages. Some people view lust as any strong sexual desire, while others see it as a selfish and insatiable desire that objectifies the other person. Those who hold the former definition may see lust within marriage as natural and healthy, while those who subscribe to the latter definition may view it as a sin.

It is worth noting that some commentators suggest that the original Greek and Hebrew words used in the Bible have a broader range of meanings than the English translations typically used today. As a result, the precise interpretation of these passages is subject to some debate.

In conclusion, the question of whether lusting after your wife is a sin or not is a complex one that depends on how one defines "lust" and interprets the relevant Biblical passages. While some people may view it as a sin, others see it as a natural and healthy part of a marital relationship. Ultimately, it is up to individuals to form their own opinions on this matter based on their religious beliefs, values, and interpretations of the Bible.

Lust in marriage

Lust is a word with a complex etymology and a variety of meanings. In the context of marriage, lust can be defined as a strong sexual desire.

In the Bible, lust is often mentioned in the context of sin and something negative. However, the Bible also celebrates marital desire and sex, such as in the Song of Solomon, which is an erotic love poem celebrating a husband and wife's yearning and sexual expression with each other.

Some people believe that lusting after your spouse is impossible, as lust, by definition, must be directed towards someone you are not married to. In marriage, it is expected and encouraged to desire your spouse.

However, it is possible to have sinful lust in a marriage, even when physically monogamous. This can occur when outside images, such as pornography, fuel lust. If a spouse is used as a physical body to act out porn fantasies, they are being objectified and used instead of being cherished and loved.

Therefore, while it is not a sin to have a strong sexual desire for your spouse, it is important to ensure that this desire does not become selfish or objectifying, but rather, is rooted in mutual love and respect.

Frequently asked questions