Lust And Sin: The Complexities Of Desiring Your Girlfriend

Lust is a topic that is often discussed in the context of religion, particularly in Christianity. According to the Bible, lust is presented as something negative and destructive, leading to a violation of God's laws and people's rights. While it is normal to feel physical attraction towards a partner, the line between attraction and lust can be blurry. Some religious interpretations consider lusting after someone who is not your spouse as a sin, as it is seen as desiring something that is not yours to have. However, others differentiate between lust and sexual attraction, acknowledging that it is natural to experience desire within a relationship. The key distinction lies in the intention and the impact it has on one's thoughts and actions.

Lust is a sin if you're not married to the person

In the Bible, lust is often depicted as a negative force. According to the Bible, lust is about desiring something that is not yours to have. It is an unhealthy and destructive desire that can lead to a violation of God's laws and other people's rights.

Lust is considered a sin if you are not married to the person you are lusting after. This is because lusting after someone who is not your spouse is considered adultery in the heart, as stated by Jesus in the Bible. Even looking at someone with lust is considered a sin if you are not married to them.

However, it is important to distinguish lust from healthy and appropriate desires. It is normal and appropriate to have physical attraction towards someone you are dating, but it becomes sinful lust when it crosses the line into desiring something that is not yours to have.

To avoid lust, it is crucial to recognize what it is and to seek to have a heart that faithfully pursues Jesus above all else. By making your primary desire to live in a way that pleases God, lust can be kept under control and directed towards honoring and blessing your partner.

Jesus said that to look at a woman lustfully is to commit adultery

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus is recorded as saying:

> "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28)

Jesus is referring to the commandment against adultery stated in Exodus 20:14. This verse follows the prohibition against murder, and the Sermon on the Mount follows this pattern. The equation of lust with adultery is similar to the earlier equation of anger and murder in Matthew 5:22.

Jesus is raising the bar from the Old Testament's standard of sexual purity, which was to avoid the physical act of adultery. Jesus teaches that the heart of God's standard goes beyond the physical act and into what is happening in a person's mind and heart.

The Greek word "blepōn" implies more than a casual glance; it suggests a deliberate and sustained gaze. Jesus is addressing the intentionality behind the action. In the cultural context of the time, where women were often seen as property, Jesus elevates the moral responsibility of the individual, focusing on the purity of heart and intention. The term "gynaika" refers to a woman, emphasizing the object of the gaze. Jesus' teaching challenges the objectification and dehumanization of women, calling for respect and honour towards them as fellow bearers of God's image.

The phrase "epithymēsai autēn" conveys the idea of a strong desire or coveting. This is not merely an appreciation of beauty but a consuming desire that seeks to possess. The root "epithymeō" is often used in the Septuagint to translate the Hebrew "chamad", which is associated with coveting in the Ten Commandments. Jesus is addressing the internal sin of covetousness, which is as serious as the external act of adultery.

The phrase "ēdē emoicheusen" indicates that the sin is complete in the heart, even without physical action. This teaching highlights the heart's condition as the true measure of righteousness. Adultery was a grave sin, punishable by death, and Jesus extends this understanding to the internal realm, emphasizing the need for inner purity.

So, to answer the question, Jesus said that looking at a woman lustfully is committing adultery in your heart because the intent and desire behind the action are just as important as the action itself. It is about respecting women as fellow image-bearers of God and not objectifying them through lustful thoughts or actions.

Lust is an unhealthy desire

Lust is destructive because acting on it always means violating God’s laws and other people's rights. In the end, lust leads to our destruction. Proverbs tells us that, “The righteousness of the upright delivers them, but the treacherous are taken captive by their lust.”

Jesus said that to look at a woman lustfully is to commit adultery with her. He teaches that the real heart of God’s standard is far beyond the physical act, but it goes into what’s happening in a person’s mind and heart. If lust is running rampant in your mind, then sin is already happening.

Lust is an obsession for something and isn't limited to sex. It can be a lust for power, money, etc. That said, having a healthy physical attraction for somebody who isn't spoken for is OK. It's part of how we are made.

Lust is the sinful hijacking of your sex drive. If you let something like that go, then that's going to end up in you using her rather than loving her. Because lust is really all about your pleasure. But what Christians are to do is to love people.

Lust is only a temptation until you yield to it, then it becomes a sin.

Sexual desire and lust are different

Sexual desire and lust are two different things. While sexual desire is a natural impulse and attraction placed by God in humans to encourage them to look for a partner, lust is a perverted version of this. It does not seek union or knowledge of the other person and does not have as its first objective the good of the other person. Instead, lust is a disordered desire or an inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. It is about desiring something that is not yours to have and is therefore an unhealthy and destructive desire.

Sexual desire is natural and can arise from an emotional connection, sharing joy or suffering, or growth in knowledge and friendship with someone. It includes attraction to the exterior as part of desiring the whole person. On the other hand, lust tends to be laser-focused on the exterior, such as a person's body or physical appearance.

Lust involves a choice and an act of the will, a conscious decision to pursue a desirable object. It is a willingness to give in to natural impulse. It can lead to sinful behaviour, such as viewing pornography, adulterous fantasies, incest, sexual abuse, and rape.

In a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it is important to recognise the difference between lust and sexual desire. While it is normal to feel physical attraction towards your partner, it is considered lustful and therefore a sin to desire anything that you are not entitled to. Until marriage, you have no rights over your partner's body, and it is important to keep your desires under control.

However, even within marriage, lust can become sinful when it involves outside factors such as pornography. This can lead to mental infidelity, where one's spouse becomes a means of acting out porn fantasies, thus objectifying and using them instead of cherishing and loving them.

Therefore, it is important to distinguish between lust and authentic sexual attraction or desire. While lust is self-centred and selfish, sexual desire can be directed towards deepening authentic love and honouring God.

Lusting after your spouse is not a sin

While lust is generally considered a sin in the Christian faith, the Bible does not condemn lust within a marriage. In fact, the Bible celebrates marital desire and sex in several passages, such as the Song of Solomon, which uses sensual and explicit imagery to honour a couple's yearning for each other and their sexual expression.

However, it is important to distinguish lust from healthy desire. Lust is an unhealthy desire that leads to the violation of God's laws and other people's rights. It is about desiring something that is not yours to have. In the case of a boyfriend or girlfriend, until marriage, one does not have a right to the other person's body, and thus lusting after them would be considered a sin.

However, once within the covenant of marriage, God gives spouses freedom to express their desire for one another. This means that lusting after your spouse is not a sin, as it falls within the bounds of the marriage.

That being said, it is possible to introduce sin into a marriage by fuelling lust with outside images, such as pornography. If a spouse becomes a means to act out fantasies fuelled by outside influences, they are being objectified and used rather than cherished and loved. Thus, while lust within a marriage is not inherently sinful, it can become so when influenced by external factors.

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