Fragile: An Emotion Or A State Of Mind?

Emotional fragility is a person's inability to manage difficult emotions. It is different from emotional sensitivity, which is a quality that some people have. Emotional fragility is a lack of resources for dealing with complex internal states. People who are emotionally fragile tend to have a hard time dealing with even the smallest amounts of painful emotions. They may experience cycles of anxiety and panic, spirals of self-criticism and depression, or bouts of anger. Emotional fragility can be caused by a variety of factors, including biological/genetic dispositions, temperament, difficult relationship histories, abuse, or a lack of appropriate coping and assertiveness skills. It is possible to escape this pattern and learn to be more emotionally resilient. This can be achieved by improving one's relationship with their emotions, as fear of emotions can lead to a fight or flight reaction, making the brain see emotions as dangerous. Strategies such as art therapy can help individuals become aware of their emotional weaknesses and take responsibility for their emotions, rather than feeling like victims.

Emotional fragility vs emotional sensitivity

Emotional fragility and emotional sensitivity are two distinct concepts that are often conflated. Emotional sensitivity is a quality that some people possess, enabling them to be more empathetic and compassionate. On the other hand, emotional fragility refers to the lack of resources for managing complex internal states and can lead to difficulty in facing even minor challenges.

Emotionally fragile individuals may struggle with managing difficult emotions. Small amounts of worry, sadness, or irritation can quickly spiral into cycles of anxiety, self-criticism, and anger. This fragility can result from an unhealthy relationship with one's emotions, often driven by fear. However, it is possible to develop emotional resilience by improving one's relationship with their emotions.

Emotional fragility is often associated with certain habits and behaviours. These include:

• Trusting your thoughts blindly: Accepting every negative or worrying thought as true can lead to chronic anxiety, aggression, or low self-esteem. Cultivating a healthy scepticism and learning to challenge unhelpful thoughts is essential.
• Relying solely on coping skills: While coping strategies can provide temporary relief, they rarely address the underlying issues. It is crucial to view emotions as signals rather than problems and explore the root causes.
• Breaking promises to yourself: Consistently breaking promises to yourself can contribute to low self-esteem and emotional fragility. Keeping small promises to yourself can help build trust and confidence.
• Going with the flow: Constantly deferring to others' wants and needs can lead to a lack of authenticity and lower self-esteem. Practising assertiveness and expressing your true desires respectfully can help build emotional resilience.
• Being judgemental towards yourself: A constant inner critique can lead to feelings of inadequacy and demotivation. Practising self-compassion and treating yourself with kindness can foster emotional resilience.
• Seeking constant reassurance: Relying solely on others for reassurance can undermine your self-confidence and hinder your ability to manage difficult emotions independently.
• Staying busy all the time: A packed schedule or constant busyness can be a way to avoid facing painful feelings or challenging situations. Creating space for self-reflection and addressing underlying issues is vital for building emotional resilience.

Emotional fragility is not an inherent or unchangeable trait. By identifying and addressing the underlying habits and behaviours, individuals can develop emotional resilience and improve their relationship with their emotions.

Causes of emotional fragility

Emotional fragility is a complex issue that can significantly impact one's life. Here are some common causes of emotional fragility:

Unhealthy Relationship with Emotions:

People with emotional fragility often have an unhealthy relationship with their emotions. They may be afraid of their feelings and tend to run away or suppress them. This "fight or flight" reaction trains the brain to view emotions as dangerous, leading to increased fear and avoidance. It is crucial to develop a better relationship with one's emotions and understand that emotions are signals that need to be addressed rather than problems to be solved.

Trusting Negative Thoughts:

Emotionally fragile individuals may blindly trust every negative thought that crosses their mind. They may accept worrying thoughts as true, leading to chronic anxiety, or self-critical thoughts, resulting in low self-esteem. It is important to cultivate a healthy skepticism towards one's thoughts and recognize that not all thoughts are accurate or helpful.

Relying on Coping Skills:

While coping skills can provide temporary relief, relying solely on them can be detrimental. Coping mechanisms often treat emotions as problems instead of addressing the underlying issues. It is essential to understand that emotions are signals trying to communicate something important. For example, fear may indicate a dangerous situation, sadness may signal loss, and anger may signify injustice.

Low Self-Esteem and Broken Promises:

Emotionally fragile people often struggle with low self-esteem, which is often perpetuated by breaking promises to themselves. Keeping promises, no matter how small, is a powerful way to build trust and pride in oneself, which are essential for managing painful feelings effectively.

Lack of Assertiveness:

Individuals who always "go with the flow" and defer their wants and needs to others are more likely to experience emotional fragility. This behavior can lead to lowered self-esteem, as they are not being true to themselves or allowing others to understand their true desires and values. Practicing assertiveness, which involves expressing one's wants and needs in a respectful manner, can help build emotional resilience.

Self-Criticism and Judgment:

Many people have internalized the idea that self-criticism and judgment are necessary for motivation. However, constant self-criticism can lead to increased emotional fragility. It is essential to practice self-compassion and understand that fear, lack of energy, or enthusiasm can be addressed with gentleness and compassion rather than harsh judgment.

Reassurance Seeking:

Emotionally fragile people often seek constant reassurance from others when they feel scared, sad, or upset. While it is understandable to seek support, chronic reassurance-seeking can undermine one's self-confidence and belief in oneself. It is crucial to learn to tolerate the discomfort of dealing with difficult emotions independently and develop one's emotional resilience.

Constant Busyness:

Some people stay constantly busy as a defense mechanism to avoid facing painful feelings or dealing with underlying issues. However, this emotional procrastination only postpones addressing the real problems, which can fester and grow bigger over time. It is important to create space for self-reflection and confront one's fears head-on to build emotional resilience.

Upbringing and Early Interactions:

Emotional fragility can also have roots in one's upbringing and early interactions. Overly protective parenting styles that shield children from failure can contribute to emotional fragility. This can result in an inability to deal with frustration and make one feel insecure and awkward when managing their emotions.

Signs of emotional fragility

Emotional fragility is when a person has a hard time managing difficult emotions. It is different from emotional sensitivity, which is more of a quality that a person might have. Emotional fragility is more of a lack of resources for managing complex internal states. It is possible to escape this pattern of emotional fragility and learn to be more emotionally resilient. Here are some signs of emotional fragility:

• Trusting your thoughts: Emotionally fragile people tend to blindly trust every thought that crosses their mind, which can lead to anxiety, aggression, or low self-esteem.
• Relying on coping skills: Coping skills are techniques or strategies used to temporarily feel better, such as deep breathing exercises or repeating positive affirmations. While coping skills have their place, relying on them too much can be dangerous as they treat emotions as problems rather than signals that something needs to be addressed.
• Breaking promises to yourself: Emotionally fragile people often struggle with low self-esteem and may frequently break promises to themselves, leading to a lack of trust and pride in oneself.
• Going with the flow: Always deferring to others' wants and needs can lower self-esteem and prevent people from understanding the real you.
• Being judgmental with yourself: Constant self-criticism and tough self-talk can lead to a lack of motivation and confidence.
• Reassurance-seeking: Emotionally fragile people often seek reassurance from others when they feel scared, sad, or upset, which can be a vote of no confidence in oneself.
• Staying busy all the time: Constant busyness can be a defence mechanism to avoid painful feelings and can prevent people from facing their fears and dealing with them head-on.

It is important to note that emotionally fragile people are not broken; they have just developed a set of habits that interfere with their ability to be resilient and relate to their emotions in a healthy way. By identifying and working to undo these habits, it is possible to become more emotionally resilient.

Strategies for strengthening the ego

• Cultivating embodiment: Distinguishing between direct, lived experience and the commentary in your head about that experience. As a child grows, their ego progresses through increasingly complex stages of awareness.
• Deeper listening: One way our sense of self grows is through the experience of being fully understood. When your concerns are understood, something inside you relaxes.
• Play, in relationship: Cultivating the ability to play accesses our imaginations, uncovers creative responses to life, and can even bring some joy into the more challenging aspects of existence.
• Sustaining the gaze: The capacity for facing the suffering of other beings, with empathy, for a period of time, without becoming overwhelmed. Perceiving wider spheres of the world as an extension of oneself can be a sign of ego development.
• Trusting your thoughts: Emotionally resilient people understand that they shouldn't blindly trust every thought that crosses their mind. If you accept every worrying thought as true, you'll end up chronically anxious. Cultivating a healthy skepticism of your own thoughts is important.
• Relying on coping skills: While coping skills have their place, relying on them can be dangerous. They encourage you to treat emotions as problems, when they are often just signals that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.
• Breaking promises to yourself: Keeping your promises to yourself, no matter how small, is a powerful way to fight back against emotional fragility. It helps you learn to trust and be proud of yourself.
• Going with the flow: Being assertive means expressing your wants and needs in a way that's true to yourself and respectful of others. It's a skill anyone can learn and will improve all your relationships, especially your relationship with yourself.
• Being judgmental with yourself: Start practising self-compassion. It will help you feel more confident and resilient.
• Reassurance-seeking: Every time you ask for reassurance, it's a vote of no confidence in yourself. If you want to become more emotionally resilient, you must be willing to tolerate the discomfort of dealing with your own difficult feelings.
• Staying busy all the time: Constant busyness is often a primitive defence mechanism for avoiding painful feelings. If you want to end the cycle of emotional fragility, you need to start facing your fears and dealing with them head-on.
• Take responsibility: Fragile people often feel like victims of their environment. Instead of just reacting, take control and create a real, brave sense of responsibility.
• Art therapy: This can be extremely effective for exploring your thoughts, emotions, and internal issues.

Coping mechanisms for fragile emotions

Emotional fragility can be understood as the inability to manage one's feelings and emotions effectively. It is often a symptom of mental health conditions or differences in brain development. While it is not typically a serious condition, severe cases can significantly impact an individual's life, including their social relationships and career.

Understand the Difference Between Emotional Fragility and Sensitivity

Emotional fragility is distinct from emotional sensitivity. Fragility refers to a lack of resources for managing complex emotions, leading to difficulty in facing even simple daily challenges. Sensitive individuals, on the other hand, possess a broader vision of life and can navigate their needs and surroundings more effectively. Recognizing this difference is crucial, as it helps individuals identify the underlying causes of their emotional struggles.

Address Underlying Issues

Emotional fragility is often a symptom of deeper problems, such as depressive disorders, anxiety, or poor emotional management. By addressing these underlying issues, individuals can build the necessary resources to cope with their emotions more effectively. This may involve seeking professional help, such as psychotherapy or medication, to treat the specific mental health condition contributing to emotional fragility.

Develop Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage and direct one's emotions and reactions. It is a skill that can be learned and developed over time. Individuals can work on identifying and understanding their emotions, setting boundaries, and expressing their feelings in a healthy manner. This may involve learning to tolerate uncomfortable emotions rather than immediately reacting to them or trying to suppress them.

Practice Self-Compassion and Mindfulness

Instead of being judgmental or critical towards oneself, individuals can benefit from practising self-compassion. This involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, similar to how one would treat a close friend. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can also help individuals observe and accept their thoughts and emotions without getting overwhelmed by them.

Build a Supportive Network

Maintaining emotionally supportive relationships is crucial for coping with fragile emotions. Confiding in trusted friends or family members can provide individuals with a sense of connection and validation. Additionally, seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist, can provide guidance and tailored strategies for managing emotions effectively.

Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

Individuals struggling with emotional fragility may tend to trust all their thoughts equally, leading to anxiety, aggression, or low self-esteem. It is important to cultivate a healthy scepticism towards one's thoughts and challenge unhelpful or negative thinking patterns. This involves examining the evidence for one's thoughts and recognising that not all thoughts are accurate or helpful.

Avoid Relying Solely on Coping Skills

While coping skills, such as deep breathing or positive self-talk, can provide temporary relief, they rarely address the underlying issues contributing to emotional fragility. It is important to view emotions as signals that something needs to be addressed, rather than problems to be solved or avoided. Facing one's fears and dealing with them directly is a crucial step towards building emotional resilience.

Keep Promises to Yourself

Low self-esteem is a common issue for emotionally fragile individuals. Breaking promises to oneself can exacerbate this problem, leading to a lack of trust and pride in oneself. By keeping small promises, such as finishing a task or calling a loved one, individuals can begin to build self-trust and confidence, which are essential for managing fragile emotions.

Assert Yourself and Express Your Needs

Always "going with the flow" and deferring to others' wants and needs can contribute to emotional fragility. It is important to practise assertiveness, which involves expressing one's own wants and needs in a way that is respectful of oneself and others. This helps individuals build courage and improve their relationships, especially with themselves.

Engage in Self-Reflection and Self-Care

Constantly staying busy can be a form of emotional procrastination, where individuals avoid dealing with painful feelings by keeping themselves occupied. It is important to create space for self-reflection and identify what truly needs to be addressed. This may involve making lifestyle changes, such as improving sleep habits, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in pleasurable or relaxing activities.

Frequently asked questions