Emotional Abandonment: A Valid Reason For Divorce?

Emotional abandonment in marriage refers to a situation where one or both partners withdraw emotionally, creating distance and withholding attention or affection. This can manifest as a lack of communication, emotional detachment, preoccupation with external activities, and a sense of loneliness. While emotional abandonment can be subtle, it can be equally damaging to a marriage as physical abandonment. In some cases, it can even lead to divorce.

To prove abandonment in a divorce case, one party must demonstrate that the other party abandoned the marriage for a period of 12 consecutive months. The abandonment must be willful or malicious, with no chance of reconciliation.

Constructive abandonment, a form of emotional abandonment, occurs when one spouse makes life unbearable for the other, engaging in behaviours such as infidelity, abuse, or withholding money. This type of abandonment is often viewed as cruel and inhumane treatment.

While emotional abandonment can have significant negative consequences, it is important to note that not all states in the US recognise it as grounds for divorce.

Criminal abandonment

For example, if a spouse has a terminal disease and their partner no longer wants to be their caretaker, the court will not recognise the well spouse's desire to leave as grounds for divorce. However, the sick spouse is still financially dependent on the well spouse, and the court may rule that the well spouse must continue to provide financial assistance through alimony.

In all cases, a parent is financially obligated to provide for their minor children, regardless of their health status. Refusing to pay alimony or child support can result in various legal penalties, including wage garnishment, fines, and even jail time.

The definition of criminal abandonment can vary depending on the jurisdiction. The duration of abandonment necessary to qualify as criminal abandonment can range from one to five years.

In addition to financial abandonment, criminal abandonment can also include emotional abandonment, where one spouse withdraws emotional support from the relationship. This can manifest as a lack of communication, emotional detachment, preoccupation with external activities, and a lack of empathy for their spouse's struggles.

It is important to note that abandonment does not occur when a spouse moves out of the family home to create a temporary or permanent separation, as long as they continue to meet their financial obligations.

Constructive abandonment

• Withholding sex
• Infidelity
• Abuse
• Withholding money
• Lack of communication
• Refusal to relocate
• Intrusive in-laws

In some states, refusing sexual intercourse is considered constructive abandonment, as it is seen as a refusal to fulfill the basic obligations arising from the marriage contract. To prove constructive abandonment on these grounds, the spouse claiming abandonment must show that they made repeated requests for intercourse, and that the other spouse unjustifiably refused.

Another form of constructive abandonment is when a spouse stays in the family home but changes the locks without justification, barring the other spouse from entering. This is known as a lockout. Kickouts, where one spouse forces the other to leave the family home without justification, can also be considered constructive abandonment.

Actual abandonment

In some states, actual abandonment is considered a ground for divorce. However, the requirements for proving actual abandonment vary. For example, in Maryland, the abandonment must last at least 12 months, be deliberate and final, and have no reasonable hope of reconciliation. On the other hand, Connecticut requires either a total neglect of duty for a year or desertion lasting at least seven years with no communication from the absent spouse.

To prove actual abandonment in a divorce, one party must demonstrate that the other party abandoned the marriage for a period of 12 consecutive months. The abandonment must also be willful or malicious, with no chance of reconciliation.

It is important to note that abandonment does not occur when a spouse moves out of the family home to create a temporary or permanent separation, as long as they continue to meet their financial obligations. Additionally, leaving a spouse due to their violence or abuse is typically not considered actual abandonment.

Emotional abandonment

Signs of Emotional Abandonment

• Lack of communication
• Emotional detachment
• Preoccupation with external activities
• Feeling neglected
• Emotional outbursts
• Decreased empathy
• Sense of loneliness
• Loss of shared goals and future plans

Causes of Emotional Abandonment

The most common cause of emotional abandonment in marriage is a change in the amount of support and engagement between partners. Most often, one spouse withdraws and gives the other person the silent treatment due to feelings of hurt, anger, or resentment.

Effects of Emotional Abandonment

• Loneliness
• Low self-worth
• Anxiety
• Trust issues
• Affects overall mental well-being

Dealing with Emotional Abandonment

• Establish an honest and open line of communication
• Avoid withdrawing when you feel upset
• Avoid the pursuer-distancer pattern
• Practice self-soothing when your spouse is stonewalling
• Avoid playing the victim

Custody and child support

Emotional abandonment can significantly impact child custody and support arrangements during and after a divorce. Here are some key considerations:

Impact on Child Custody

The parent who remains with the children and continues to fulfil their parental responsibilities gains an advantage when it comes to child custody issues. This assumes that the remaining parent is free from violent or abusive tendencies and acts in the best interest of the child. In such cases, the remaining parent should file for primary physical and legal custody as soon as the required timeframe to claim abandonment has passed.

Impact on Child Support

In cases of abandonment, the remaining parent can and should also file for child support. This is true even in cases where the abandoning parent cannot be located, as it will help prepare for a situation where the abandoning parent returns. The remaining parent should understand that spousal abandonment is not the same as child abandonment, and courts generally recognise the fundamental right of biological parents to be involved in their children's lives.

Proving Emotional Abandonment

To prove emotional abandonment in court, one must demonstrate that the other party abandoned the marriage for a specified period, typically 12 consecutive months. The abandonment must be willful or malicious, with no chance of reconciliation. Emotional abandonment can include situations of emotional distance, lack of communication, and withholding of sex.

Criminal and Constructive Abandonment

It is important to note that criminal abandonment occurs when a spouse abandons their children and fails to provide support, care, or protection. Constructive abandonment, on the other hand, occurs when one spouse makes life unbearable for the other, such as through infidelity, abuse, or withholding money.

Financial Abandonment

Financial abandonment is the withdrawal of financial support from the spouse. This can include cutting off financial assistance or access to bank accounts and credit cards. In cases of financial abandonment, the abandoned spouse can request spousal support and, if there are minor children, child support and physical custody.

Legal Considerations

While abandonment laws vary by state, it is generally considered a ground for divorce in at-fault states. Some states, like Tennessee, require a minimum of one year of abandonment before filing for divorce. It is important to consult a lawyer to understand the specific laws and rights in your state.

Frequently asked questions