Emotional Kindergarten Readiness: Signs Your Child Is Prepared

Sending your child to kindergarten is a big decision for any parent. While academic readiness is important, it's also crucial to consider your child's social and emotional maturity. Here are some signs that your child is emotionally ready for kindergarten:

- They can handle separation from you and are comfortable being away from you for several hours.

- They can express their emotions and are developing emotional self-regulation skills.

- They are confident and have a positive sense of self.

- They are not easily frustrated and can handle changes in routine.

- They can follow rules, listen to instructions, and are learning to take turns and share.

- They can communicate their needs and wants effectively.

- They can interact and play with other children and are starting to develop friendships.

- They are eager to learn and participate in class activities.

- They are adaptable and can manage their feelings and impulses.

While your child may not check every box, considering these factors can help you make an informed decision about their readiness for kindergarten.

Separation anxiety

• Practice separation: Leave your child with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first. As your child gets used to separation, you can gradually leave for longer and travel further.
• Develop a quick goodbye ritual: Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss. Keep things quick, though, and leave without fanfare.
• Follow through on promises: Return at the time you promised. For your child to develop the confidence that they can handle separation, it is important that you are consistent.
• Let your child know when you'll be back: Explain it in a kid-friendly way if necessary, but again, it's important to be consistent.
• Stay gone once you leave: This may be tough, but you have to resist the urge to return once you've left. Consistency is key.
• Rehearse the separation process: Your child will see you leave and come back, just as you promised, fostering trust.
• Establish a parting ritual: Make up a special high-five or a cute affirmation. Do something consistent and comforting that your child knows means goodbye.
• Notice how your child reacts to new and different situations: Encourage them to put their feelings into words. Statements such as "I know you miss me when you're at school. I miss you, too, and when you come home, we'll have a snack and read a story" can be reassuring.
• Know yourself and your own family pattern: If you are a worrier or tend to overreact and overprotect, this could give your child the subtle message that they can't be independent.
• Practice before school starts: Leave your child with a babysitter or a friend for a playdate. Gradually increase the amount of time you are away from them.
• Tour the classroom together: Meet their teacher and principal in the days before school starts.
• Make your goodbye firm: When the teacher indicates that it is time for you to leave, give your child a big hug and kiss and tell them how proud you are of them.

If your child's separation anxiety is excessive enough to interfere with normal activities like school and friendships, and lasts for months rather than days, it may be a sign of a larger problem: separation anxiety disorder. This is a serious emotional problem that should not be taken lightly.

Self-soothing

Children learn how to calm themselves at varying ages. While kindergarten teachers and aides are generally compassionate and attend to an upset child, they will have a classroom full of children to attend to. Your child may have less comforting than they have had at home or in daycare.

Watch for indications that your child can self-soothe

Look for signs that your child can do things to make themselves feel better when they are upset. Self-soothing actions could include holding a favourite toy, asking to be held, drawing or colouring, etc. If your child has few or no coping skills to self-soothe, they may not be ready for a classroom environment.

Closely related to self-soothing is the ability to wait for their turn. In a classroom setting, a child will be expected to:

• Raise their hand and wait to be called on
• Stand in a line before going outside
• Ask permission to use the restroom
• Wait while someone else is talking

If your child has difficulty waiting, they may experience challenges in a classroom.

Very young children (1 to 4) do parallel play, which consists of sitting or standing near other children. However, they are essentially playing alone with their own agenda and their own rules. As children grow, they learn strategies such as “Eenie meenie miny mo” or setting a timer to keep turns fair. A kindergartener will likely need to share toys, take turns in a game, and interact in back-and-forth ways. These abilities can be essential for your child to get the most out of a kindergarten experience.

Your child must be able to tell the adult in charge if they feel sad, sleepy, scared, etc. If your child only explains how they feel by telling what happened (i.e., “He won’t play with me,” rather than “I’m sad,” or “I feel left out”), it will be much more difficult for a teacher to assist them with understanding and compassion.

Listen to how your child expresses their emotions. If they only express their feelings as blame, storytelling, defensiveness, or explanations, you may want to try using more feeling words around your child. When you speak about your own feelings, you can use words such as “worried,” “proud,” “frustrated,” “cranky,” etc. You don’t need to focus on explanations and long stories about why you feel a certain way. You only need to use an accurate word to directly describe how you feel.

Self-confidence

Children who are self-confident are more likely to be independent and take on new tasks without fear of failure. They are also more likely to be resilient and bounce back from setbacks. Self-confidence can help children make friends and interact with others, as they are more likely to initiate conversations and join in on activities.

• They are willing to try new things and take on challenges.
• They have a positive sense of self and strong self-esteem.
• They are not easily frustrated and can handle setbacks or criticism.
• They are comfortable being away from their parents and can handle separation without becoming overly upset.
• They are able to express their emotions in a healthy way and manage their feelings and impulses.
• They are eager to learn and take on new tasks.

If a child lacks self-confidence, they may benefit from more time in a preschool or daycare setting to develop their social and emotional skills before starting kindergarten. This extra time can help them build their confidence and better prepare them for the academic and social demands of kindergarten.

It is important to remember that each child is unique and will develop at their own pace. Some children may be emotionally ready for kindergarten at a younger age, while others may need more time. As a parent, you know your child best and can make an informed decision about their readiness for kindergarten.

Social skills

Separation Anxiety

It is essential to assess your child's ability to handle separation from you. Some children may become overly clingy or tearful at the thought of spending several hours away from their parents. To ease this transition, you can help your child by encouraging them to express their feelings and providing reassurance. Practicing separation before kindergarten, such as through play dates or babysitters, can also help your child become more comfortable with being away from you.

Self-Confidence and Emotional Regulation

Kindergarteners need to be able to manage their feelings and impulses. Look for signs that your child can self-soothe when upset, such as by holding a favourite toy or asking for a hug. Additionally, assess their ability to cope with new situations and their overall confidence levels. Do they have a positive sense of self and the ability to adapt to changes in routine? Are they easily frustrated, or can they exercise self-control and postpone gratification? These are all important indicators of their emotional readiness.

Social Interactions and Friendships

Your child's ability to interact and play with others is vital for their success in kindergarten. Observe whether they can take turns, share, and communicate their needs to adults. Do they participate well in small group or one-on-one play? Are they able to develop friendships and interact positively with their peers? These social skills will help them thrive in a classroom setting.

Following Rules and Directions

Kindergarteners need to be able to follow rules and respect authority figures. Observe whether your child can obey simple directions, both at home and in other settings such as preschool or church. Are they able to listen to stories without interrupting and stay focused even when frustrated or disappointed? These skills indicate their ability to follow classroom rules and engage positively in learning activities.

Maturity and Task Completion

Finally, assess your child's maturity level and their ability to complete tasks, even if they are not particularly interested in them. Are they able to stick with an activity until it is complete, demonstrating increased responsibility? Can they accept that other people have different needs and respect the property of others? This maturity and task completion ability will be essential for their academic and social success in kindergarten.

Emotional maturity

• They can handle being separated from you. Your child will likely find it easier to transition to kindergarten if they are comfortable being away from you for several hours. You can help your child deal with separation anxiety by leaving them with a babysitter or friend for a play date to practice being away from you.
• They can manage their feelings and impulses. Your child should be able to express their emotions in an appropriate way and understand that it is never okay to hurt anyone. They should also be able to postpone gratification and begin to exercise self-control.
• They are self-confident. Your child should have a strong and positive sense of self and not be easily frustrated. They should also be able to act confidently in new situations and not require constant support from parents or caregivers.
• They can follow rules and respect authority figures. Your child should understand the concept of acceptable behaviour and be able to follow simple directions. They should also be able to listen to a story without interrupting.
• They can communicate their needs. Your child should be able to tell the adult in charge if they feel sad, sleepy, scared, etc. They should also be able to communicate what they do and do not understand and ask for help when needed.
• They can interact and play with other children. Your child should be able to take turns, share, and demonstrate increased responsibility. They should also be able to make friends and interact with other children during play.
• They are adaptable. Your child should be able to cope with changes in routine and stick with an activity until it is complete. They should also be able to anticipate the next activity with enthusiasm.
• They have good manners. Your child should be well-mannered and polite, saying "please", "thank you", and "excuse me". They should also have basic table manners, such as remaining at the table until everyone is finished and asking politely for things to be passed.
• They are accepting of others. Help your child understand that people come from diverse backgrounds and have different abilities, beliefs, and races. Teach them to treat everyone with kindness and respect.

While your child may not exhibit all of these behaviours, they are good indicators of emotional maturity and can help you assess your child's readiness for kindergarten. Trust your intuition and consider what you know about your child's unique development when making this important decision.

Frequently asked questions