Emotional Sensitivity: Navigating The Complex Relationship

Being emotional and being sensitive are two different things. While being sensitive is about having a quick and delicate appreciation of others' feelings, being emotional relates to a person's emotions. Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is a scientific personality trait, whereas being emotional is a temporary state. HSPs have a rich inner life and are easily overstimulated, and their heightened consciousness can impact everything they do and experience. They are more sensitive to physical, emotional, and social stimuli and have deeper responses to them. Being emotional, on the other hand, is about a person's emotions being easily triggered, but it does not necessarily mean they are sensitive to others' emotions.

Being a highly sensitive person is not a disorder

The term "highly sensitive person" (HSP) was popularized by clinical psychologist Elaine N. Aron, who wrote the book "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You." HSPs have a heightened sensitivity to physical, emotional, and social stimuli, and they process stimuli more deeply. They may be more sensitive to things like physical and psychological pain, artistic expressions, changes in other people's moods, and hunger.

HSPs are often highly empathetic and observant, with a rich inner life. They may be easily overstimulated and overwhelmed by sensory stimuli like noisy crowds, bright lights, or uncomfortable clothing. They may also need more downtime and time alone to recharge.

While being a highly sensitive person can bring challenges, such as feeling overwhelmed or struggling with emotional regulation, it is not a disorder. HSPs can learn to manage their sensitivity and use it to their advantage. For example, they may be able to form deep and meaningful connections with others due to their empathy and self-awareness.

It is important for HSPs to understand their sensitivity and find ways to cope with the stresses they may face. This may include finding a therapist who understands HSPs or learning to say no to overwhelming demands. Ultimately, being a highly sensitive person is a unique trait that should be embraced and accepted, not pathologized.

Sensitivity can be a strength

Sensitivity is often framed as a negative trait, with sensitive people being told to "toughen up". However, this perception is wrongheaded. Sensitivity is a personality trait, and like being quiet or thoughtful, it is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be a strength and a powerful asset.

Creative and innovative

Sensitivity is linked to creativity and innovation. Sensitive people tend to be deep thinkers who spend more time and energy on problems, seeing more possibilities and solutions. Many of our greatest thinkers, scientists, artists, musicians, and actors are sensitive people. They have the capacity for innovation because they tend to be deep thinkers who spend more time and energy turning problems over in their heads.

Decision-making ability

Sensitive people tend to be good decision-makers. In studies, subjects who are sensitive tend to outperform others on cognitive tasks, particularly those that require noticing patterns and using them to predict outcomes and make smart decisions. This decision-making ability may give sensitive people an evolutionary advantage.

Empathy and self-awareness

Highly sensitive people are very attuned to their emotions and the emotions of others. They are often more thoughtful, conscientious, empathetic, and dedicated, making them ideal employees and leaders. They are also highly self-aware and observant when it comes to themselves and others.

Boost effect

Sensitive people get more of a boost from the same things that help anyone. For example, a 2022 study found that sensitive people were most likely to use relationship training to save their marriages and improve their relationship quality. Other couples got no such benefit. This "boost effect" isn't limited to relationships; researchers find that sensitive people are supercharged by any form of training or support.

Other strengths

Other strengths of highly sensitive people include:

• Being diplomatic and thoughtful with their words
• Being extremely self-aware
• Skilled at spotting opportunities for innovation
• Capable of integrating and managing large amounts of information
• Having a strong intuition
• Focusing on the big picture
• Creating a harmonious environment
• Constantly learning and growing

Sensitivity can be innate or learned

Sensitivity is often viewed as a negative trait, with people who are sensitive often being told to "toughen up". However, it is important to understand that sensitivity is a personality trait, and not a disorder. It can be innate or learned.

Innate Sensitivity

In 1913, psychiatrist and psychotherapist C.G. Jung first mentioned the concept of innate sensitivity, arguing that some people are born more sensitive than others. This innate trait shapes and interacts with their experiences and their perception of the world. Research by Dr Elaine Aron, a Jungian psychotherapist and researcher, has also found that being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is an innate trait, identified in over 100 species. Aron's research found that highly sensitive individuals respond more powerfully to emotional images than less sensitive individuals. This is due to greater activity in the "mirror neuron system" and "anterior insula" areas of the brain. Biologists have found that at least 20% of the population is born with a more sensitive nervous system.

Learned Sensitivity

Sensitivity can also be learned. For example, a traumatic event might put someone on high alert, making them more sensitive to stimuli. Sensitivity to stimuli can also be a symptom of conditions like ADHD and autism. Research has also shown that highly sensitive individuals who experience a high degree of stress and negative events in childhood are more likely to develop depression, anxiety or shyness later in life.

Benefits of Sensitivity

Sensitivity can be a strength. Being sensitive can make people more empathetic to others, fostering deeper connections. It can also make people more observant, appreciative of pleasant stimuli, and easily moved by heartwarming and positive stories.

Sensitivity can be managed

Sensitivity is a personality trait that can be both a blessing and a curse. It can make you more empathetic and observant, but it can also lead to overwhelm and stress. If you're struggling with sensitivity, here are some strategies to help you manage it:

Understand your sensitivity

Recognise that sensitivity is innate and linked to your genes. About 15-20% of the world's population is considered highly sensitive, and it is not a disorder. It's important to accept this aspect of yourself while also learning to regulate your emotions effectively.

Explore your emotions

Keep an "emotions journal" to track and explore your emotions and responses. This will help you identify triggers and patterns in your emotional reactions. Try writing down what you're feeling and working backwards to identify potential causes. You can also set a timer for two minutes and write about everything connected to a particular feeling without judging or editing your thoughts.

Avoid negative labels

Sensitive people are often insulted and called names like "cry-baby" or "whiner". Don't internalise these labels. Challenge negative labels by reframing the situation and acknowledging that you are working on responding in a more socially appropriate way.

Identify triggers

Your brain may have developed patterns of "automatic reactivity" to certain stimuli, such as stressful experiences. You can retrain your brain by practising "self-observation". The next time you experience a strong emotion, shift your focus to your sensory experiences. Note what your five senses are doing without judgement. This will help you tease apart the multiple "information streams" that make up your emotional responses.

Examine codependency

Codependent relationships occur when your self-worth and identity are dependent on someone else's actions and responses. Ask yourself if your satisfaction in life is tied to a specific person or if you feel anxious about your relationship status. If so, you may be in a codependent relationship, which is common among sensitive people.

Take it slowly

Exploring your emotions is hard work, so be gentle with yourself. Set aside dedicated time each day to examine your sensitivities, and then do something relaxing or enjoyable afterwards. Don't push yourself too hard, as this can lead to setbacks.

Allow yourself to feel

Don't try to repress or deny your emotions. Instead, acknowledge and accept them without letting them take over. Give yourself a "safe space" to express your feelings, such as setting aside time each day to grieve a loss.

Learn to recognise cognitive distortions

Cognitive distortions are unhelpful thinking habits that can contribute to oversensitivity. Common distortions include personalisation (assuming responsibility for things that aren't your fault), labelling (generalising based on a single action), and "should" statements (holding yourself to unreasonable standards). Challenge these distortions by examining the logical evidence behind your thoughts and emotions.

Practice mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can help you manage your emotional responses. Focus on your breathing and accept the thoughts and sensations that arise without judging them. This will help you become more aware of your emotions and responses.

Learn assertive communication

Sensitive people often struggle with communicating their needs and feelings effectively. Learn to use "I" statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, "I felt hurt when you were late" instead of "You always make me feel bad by being late." Also, ask follow-up questions to clarify your understanding and avoid making assumptions.

Wait to act until you've cooled down

Give yourself a break before responding to situations that trigger strong emotions. Ask yourself, "If I do this now, what may happen later?" Consider the potential consequences of your actions and whether they align with your values and goals.

Approach yourself and others with compassion

Assume the best about others, especially those who know you. If your feelings are hurt, use assertive communication to express your feelings without criticism. Remember that making mistakes is human, and approach yourself with the same compassion you would show a loved one.

Seek professional help if needed

If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, consider seeking help from a licensed mental health professional. They can provide a safe and supportive environment for you to explore your feelings and thoughts.

Sensitivity is linked to empathy

Sensitivity and emotionality are often used interchangeably, and while they are similar, they are distinct. Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is a personality trait, and HSPs are often highly attuned to their emotions and the emotions of others. Empathy is a spectrum, and HSPs tend to fall on the higher end of the spectrum.

Highly sensitive people

HSPs are highly sensitive to external stimuli, such as lights, noises, colours, and internal stimuli like hunger and pain. They are also highly sensitive to the emotions of others and can be deeply moved by someone else's good or bad news. HSPs are often described as being "too sensitive" and are encouraged to "toughen up". However, sensitivity is not a disorder, and it is not necessarily a bad trait.

Empaths

Empaths share many qualities with HSPs but have more developed intuition and absorb emotions from others and their environment. They can sense the energy in a room and take on the emotions and pain of others. Empaths are often described as "attention-seeking" or "dramatic", but their experience is valid.

The link between sensitivity and empathy

Both HSPs and empaths have a high capacity for empathy. Empathy is a core human social ability that is shaped by biological dispositions and caregiving experiences. The neural development of empathy is sensitive to caregiving and early trauma. Children who experience chronic early life stress (ELS) and those who grow up with a lack of parental warmth are more likely to develop high sensitivity.

Benefits of sensitivity and empathy

Sensitivity and empathy can be a superpower. HSPs and empaths tend to be very empathetic, highly self-aware, observant, and appreciative of the little things in life. They can form deep connections and strong relationships with others.

Frequently asked questions