Anger: An Emotion Learned Through Experience And Expression

Anger is a complex human emotion that can be both a protective and destructive force. While it is normal and often healthy to experience anger, it can become problematic when it spirals out of control, leading to issues in various aspects of life. Anger is characterized by antagonism towards someone or something perceived as a deliberate source of wrongdoing. It is an instinctive response to threats, triggering aggressive feelings and behaviours that serve a self-defensive purpose. However, anger can also be a learned behaviour, influenced by our surroundings and the people we interact with.

Anger is a basic and valid emotion

Anger is one of the six "basic emotions" identified in the Atlas of Emotions, along with disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. It is a completely normal and usually healthy human emotion. Everyone feels anger at one point or another, and it serves as a valid emotion in its own right.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person or event, or your anger could stem from worrying about personal problems or memories of traumatic events. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats, inspiring powerful and aggressive feelings and behaviours that allow us to fight and defend ourselves. A certain amount of anger is necessary for our survival.

However, excessive anger can lead to problems. When it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can negatively impact our work, personal relationships, and overall quality of life. It can lead to physical health issues such as hypertension and high blood pressure, as well as depression and other mental health concerns.

It is important to recognise that anger can also be a symptom of other unexpressed emotions. According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, "emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us." Anger can be a protector of our raw feelings, and by understanding and accepting our anger, we can begin to address the underlying needs and emotions that it signifies.

Anger is a powerful emotion that can be challenging to control, but with awareness and effective strategies, it is possible to manage it constructively and use it as a tool for positive change.

Anger can be a protector of raw feelings

Anger is a powerful emotion that can make us feel like we're at its mercy. While it is a normal and usually healthy emotion, it can become problematic when it turns destructive or gets out of control. Anger is often a response to external or internal events, such as a specific person or situation, or it can be caused by worrying or traumatic memories.

The natural way to express anger is through aggression, which can be a survival mechanism when faced with threats. However, we can't always act on our angry impulses, as laws, social norms, and common sense set boundaries on our behaviour. Managing anger involves expressing it in an assertive, rather than aggressive, manner, suppressing and redirecting it, or calming down internally.

Anger is learned behaviour; children observe and mimic the expressions of anger exhibited by those around them. They learn when and how to use anger as a tool in social situations. However, underneath the anger, there are often other emotions hidden beneath the surface, such as embarrassment, loneliness, depression, or fear.

Anger can be a protector of these raw feelings, shielding us from deeply painful emotions such as shame. Recognising this can lead to healing conversations and a better understanding of ourselves and others. By viewing anger as an iceberg, with most of it hidden beneath the surface, we can begin to explore the underlying feelings that anger protects. This understanding can lead to improved relationships and personal growth.

In conclusion, while anger is a learned emotion that can have destructive consequences, it also serves as a protector of our raw feelings. By recognising and understanding our anger, we can uncover the underlying emotions and use this awareness for self-improvement and building stronger connections with others.

Anger is a learned behaviour

In the first few months of a baby's life, they exhibit very few recognisable human emotions other than crying due to physical discomfort. A baby screams not because they are angry but because they are frustrated, and this response works well, bringing adults to address the situation quickly and efficiently.

Within the first few weeks, babies start to pick up visual cues from their parents and begin to smile in response to positive experiences. They also express confusion, surprise, and joy as they encounter and understand new situations. It is only after they have developed a sense of individuals as durable entities with personalities that they can interact with that they begin to exhibit anger as an emotion.

Children learn about anger by observing those around them. They watch their parents or caregivers turn red with anger, yell, and scream, and then calm down. At first, the child is confused by this behaviour. But over time, they learn that anger is a legitimate form of behaviour in social situations when one is frustrated. They see that it often results in the angry person feeling better, regardless of whether the situation changes.

Anger is a social construct. While aggression is a biological formula programmed into us by evolution, anger requires an understanding of social constructs and the recognition of self and others. This is why young children seem fearless; they have no concept of self to protect.

Anger can be a good thing. It can give us a way to express negative feelings and motivate us to find solutions to problems. However, excessive anger can lead to increased blood pressure and other physical changes that can harm our physical and mental health. It is important to learn how to constructively express anger and not let it control us.

Anger can be suppressed or redirected

Anger is a natural human emotion that can be caused by both external and internal events. While it is a valid emotion, it can become a problem when it gets out of control and turns destructive. It can negatively impact your personal relationships, overall quality of life, and even your health. Therefore, it is important to learn how to suppress or redirect anger effectively.

The first step in managing anger is recognizing the warning signs that you are starting to get annoyed. When you identify these signs, you can try to step away from the situation or use relaxation techniques to prevent your irritation from escalating. Deep breathing, slow repetition of calming words or phrases, visualization of relaxing experiences, and slow yoga-like exercises are all effective strategies for calming down angry feelings.

Another technique for managing anger is cognitive restructuring, which involves changing the way you think about a situation. Instead of telling yourself that everything is ruined, try a more rational thought, such as "It's frustrating, but it's not the end of the world." Be careful to avoid absolute words like "never" or "always" when describing a situation or person, as these can make you feel more justified in your anger and alienate those who may be willing to work with you.

It is also important to recognize and avoid your triggers. For example, if you know that driving during rush hour makes you angry, try taking the bus or adjusting your schedule to avoid that time. Additionally, improving your communication skills can help prevent anger from escalating. Instead of jumping to conclusions and reacting immediately, take a moment to listen and think carefully about your response. If needed, step away from the conversation to cool down before continuing.

While it is not always possible to eliminate angry feelings, you can learn to control your reactions and redirect your anger in a more constructive way. By practicing these techniques, you can keep your anger in check and improve your overall well-being.

Anger management strategies

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats. It is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. However, when anger gets out of control, it can lead to problems in our personal and professional lives.

Recognise the Warning Signs

Learn to recognise the warning signs of anger in your body. Does your heart beat faster? Does your face feel hot? Do you clench your fists? Do you begin to 'see red'? By recognising these signs, you can take immediate action to prevent your anger from escalating.

Remove Yourself from the Situation

One of the best anger management exercises is to remove yourself from a triggering situation. Take a break from a heated conversation, leave a meeting, or go for a walk if your children are upsetting you. Explain to the other person that you are working on managing your anger and that you will resume the discussion when you are feeling calmer.

Talk it Out

Talking through your feelings with someone who has a calming effect on you can be helpful. However, it's important to note that venting can sometimes backfire and add fuel to the fire. Instead, focus on developing a solution or reducing your anger, rather than simply complaining or grumbling.

Exercise

Anger gives you a rush of energy, so channel that energy into physical activity. Go for a brisk walk, hit the gym, or try some yoga. Regular exercise helps you decompress, reduces stress, and allows you to clear your mind.

Reframe Your Thoughts

Angry thoughts will only increase your frustration. Reframe your thoughts to focus on the facts, without adding in catastrophic predictions or distorted exaggerations. For example, instead of thinking, "I can't stand this traffic jam, it's going to ruin everything," remind yourself that there are millions of cars on the road every day and that traffic jams are inevitable.

Distract Yourself

Ruminating on upsetting situations will only keep you stuck in a state of frustration. Distract yourself with an activity that requires your focus, such as cleaning, gardening, or playing with children.

Create a "Calm-Down" Kit

Create a kit with objects that engage all your senses to help you relax. This could include scented hand lotion, a picture of a serene landscape, a spiritual passage, or your favourite candy. You can also create a virtual calm-down kit on your smartphone with calming music, images, guided meditations, or breathing exercises.

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