Emotional Toddler? Strategies For Staying Calm And In Control

Toddlers can be a handful, and their ever-changing emotions can be challenging to handle. It's normal for toddlers to be moody, but sometimes it can feel like more than just a phase. Understanding why toddlers have these extreme ups and downs can help parents know how to respond and help their little ones cope.

Toddlers are in a critical stage of emotional growth, and their language skills are still developing, so they may not have the words to express their emotions. This can lead to big feelings that they don't know how to manage yet. As a result, they may have epic meltdowns and struggle with emotional regulation.

However, there are ways to help toddlers navigate these big emotions and set a solid foundation for self-regulation.

Validate their feelings

Validating your child's feelings is an important aspect of parenting. It helps your child feel understood and builds their self-esteem. It also teaches them that feeling and expressing their emotions is okay and helps them develop emotional intelligence and resilience. Here are some ways to validate your child's feelings:

Active listening

Make an effort to be fully present in the conversation. Put away distractions, maintain eye contact, and ask open-ended questions to encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings.

Be mindful of your reactions

Notice your own reactions to your child's struggles. Avoid the urge to jump straight to problem-solving or reassurance. Instead, focus on listening and understanding your child's emotions.

Reflect their feelings

Show your child that you understand and that their feelings are valid. Use phrases like "It sounds like you're having a tough time" or "That sounds really difficult." Avoid adding a "but" that might invalidate their feelings.

Take perspective

Try to understand why your child feels the way they do given their situation or history. You don't have to agree with their feelings, but acknowledging and accepting them is essential.

Take your child's feelings seriously

Show your child that you are taking their feelings seriously through your words and actions. Offer them a tissue if they are crying or a hug if they are receptive to physical affection.

Accept their feelings

Avoid trying to change your child's feelings to what you think they should be feeling. Instead, reflect back to them with statements like "That makes sense" or "That sounds hard."

By validating your child's feelings, you are helping them develop essential emotional skills and building a stronger, more trusting relationship.

Help them name their emotions

Helping your toddler name their emotions is a crucial aspect of their emotional development. Here are some ways to help them with this:

Model Emotional Expression

Children learn by observing their parents and caregivers. Demonstrate healthy emotional expression by labelling and discussing your own feelings in everyday situations in front of your child. For example, say, "I feel frustrated when I can't find my keys," or "I'm so happy to see you!". It's important to express genuine emotions, as it's easy to fall into the habit of saying "I'm fine" instead of expressing how you truly feel.

Use Age-Appropriate Resources

Utilise books, picture cards, apps, TV shows, or songs that specifically focus on emotions. These resources often provide visual cues or stories that help children identify different emotions and associate them with specific situations. For instance, you could ask your child, "How do you think this character feels?" or "What do you think this song is about?".

Provide a Feelings Vocabulary

Teach your child a range of emotion words beyond the basic "happy" and "sad". Introduce words like excited, frustrated, surprised, anxious, proud, disappointed, embarrassed, etc. You can play games where you act out emotions or ask your child to identify the emotion on someone's face. For example, during mealtime, tell your child about a situation that makes you feel a particular emotion and ask them to share things that make them feel the same way.

Encourage Reflection and Conversation

Engage in conversations with your child about their feelings and experiences. Ask open-ended questions like, "How did that make you feel?" or "What emotions do you think you're experiencing right now?". This encourages them to reflect on their emotions and practice articulating them. It also helps to normalise conversations about emotions, so your child feels comfortable expressing themselves.

Use a Feelings Chart

Hang a feelings chart in a prominent place in your home or your child's room. This chart can show different emotions and facial expressions associated with them. It can serve as a reference point for your child to identify and communicate their emotions. You can also play a game where you make different emotion faces and have your child guess what emotion you're expressing.

Validate and Normalise Emotions

Let your child know that all emotions are valid and that it's normal to experience a wide range of feelings. Help them understand that it's okay to feel sad, angry, afraid, or any other emotion. Provide a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their emotions. This will help them develop emotional self-awareness and improve their overall mental health.

Teach them coping skills

Teaching toddlers coping skills is an important part of their emotional development. Here are some strategies to help toddlers learn to manage their emotions:

Model Emotional Regulation

Toddlers learn by observing their caregivers, so it is important to model healthy emotional regulation. Show them how to manage stress, frustration, and disappointment in a constructive manner. Demonstrate that it is okay to feel emotions but also essential to express them in healthy and appropriate ways.

Encourage Open Communication

Create a safe and open environment where your toddler feels comfortable expressing their emotions. Listen to them without judgment and validate their feelings. Encourage them to share their thoughts and concerns, helping them develop self-awareness and emotional understanding.

Teach Breathing Techniques and Mindfulness

Breathing exercises are simple yet effective tools to help toddlers calm themselves during moments of distress. Teach them deep breathing techniques such as "balloon breathing" or "box breathing." These techniques can be practiced anywhere and help reduce anxiety and stress.

Introduce mindfulness practices that focus on being present in the moment without judgment. Teach simple techniques like mindful breathing or observing surroundings mindfully, enhancing their self-awareness and ability to respond thoughtfully to challenges.

Use Storytelling

Storytelling is a great way to teach toddlers about coping skills and emotional regulation. Choose stories with relatable characters facing similar challenges and demonstrate how they manage their feelings. Ensure the stories have positive outcomes that highlight effective coping strategies. Encourage your toddler to discuss how they relate to the characters' experiences.

Foster Problem-Solving Skills

Help toddlers develop problem-solving skills by engaging them in discussions about different scenarios. Encourage them to brainstorm possible solutions and consider the consequences of each option. This empowers them to approach challenges with a solution-oriented mindset.

Set Realistic Expectations

Guide toddlers to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves. Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration and disappointment. Encourage them to celebrate their achievements, no matter how small, to build self-confidence.

Remember, teaching coping skills is an ongoing process that requires patience, understanding, and consistency. By modeling healthy emotional behaviors and providing a supportive environment, you can empower your toddler to recognize and manage their emotions effectively.

Identify triggers

Identifying triggers is an important step in helping your child manage their emotions. Here are some ways to identify and address these triggers:

• Observe your child's behaviour: Look out for signs that your child is struggling to control their emotions. Making them aware of their behaviour can help them understand what is and isn't good for them.
• Talk to your child: Go through their day and try to figure out what might be triggering their emotions. Be patient and creative in your approach.
• Understand your child's development: Be aware of what is reasonable and appropriate to expect from your child at their current age. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
• Provide a safe space: Allow your child to express their emotions without judgement. Give them time and space to process their feelings and gradually, they will start to make sense of them.
• Teach emotional regulation: Help your child learn how to manage their emotions effectively. This includes identifying triggers, understanding why they are triggered, and developing strategies to respond appropriately.
• Model appropriate behaviour: Children learn by observing their parents. Show them how to react to anger or frustration in a healthy way. Avoid exposing them to excessive negative emotions, as this can impact their own emotional development.
• Validate their emotions: Let your child know that it's okay to feel the way they do. Avoid dismissing their feelings or telling them how they "should" feel. Instead, help them find healthy ways to express themselves.
• Encourage emotional expression: Assist your child in putting words to their emotions. This will enable them to communicate their feelings effectively and prevent them from acting out inappropriately.
• Offer reassurance: Let your child know that you are there for them and that you understand what they are going through. Provide guidance on how they can better handle their emotions without harming themselves or others.

Reassurance

• Let them know that their feelings are valid and normal. It's important to listen to and accept your child's emotions, even if they don't seem logical.section:
• Name their emotions for them. For example, you could say, "I can see you're sad that your toy is broken. It's OK – we can fix it".
• Help them identify their emotions by asking questions. For example, you could say, "Why do you think he looks so sad?".
• Teach them positive coping strategies, such as deep breathing or counting to calm down.
• Model appropriate behaviour by expressing your own emotions in positive ways. For example, say, "I'm feeling upset, so I'm going to stop and take 3 big breaths".
• Provide a safe space for them to express their emotions. Let them know that you are there to support them and that they can come to you for comfort.
• Give them limited options to help them feel more in control. For example, instead of asking what they want for dessert, give them a choice between ice cream or chocolate.
• Use play as a way to help them explore and express their emotions. Imaginative play, singing, dancing, and messy play can all be great outlets for toddlers to release their emotions.

Frequently asked questions