Disagreeable Things: Sin Or Not?

Disagreements are a normal, healthy part of human interaction. However, when tempers flare, it can lead to incivility, personal attacks, and distress. The Bible offers advice on how to navigate this. It is important to acknowledge your feelings, connect with the person you disagree with, and take a collaborative approach. Being self-aware, seeking to understand, and maintaining humility are key to resolving conflicts. While it is natural to want to win an argument, choosing your battles and prioritising relationships over being right can lead to more productive outcomes.

Disagreeing with the Bible

Recognising the Complexity

Differentiating Between Sin and Disagreement

It is important to distinguish between disagreeing with the Bible and committing a sin. Disagreeing with the Bible does not inherently make one a "bad Christian." For example, some Christians may disagree with the interpretation of certain passages related to homosexuality, believing that it is not their place to condemn others for their sexual orientation. However, this does not necessarily imply that they are condoning sin or rejecting the authority of the Bible.

Exploring Theological Foundations

When disagreeing with the Bible, it is essential to consider the theological foundations of your beliefs. Many Christian denominations and scholars engage in thoughtful interpretation and discussion of biblical passages, recognising that certain verses may be open to multiple interpretations. Having a solid theological understanding can help provide context and nuance to your disagreements.

Maintaining Respect and Humility

When disagreeing with the Bible or with other Christians, it is crucial to approach these differences with respect and humility. Avoid being disagreeable or combative, as this can hinder constructive dialogue. Listen to opposing viewpoints, seek clarification, and be open to learning from others. Remember, the Bible itself provides guidance on how to disagree respectfully (2 Timothy 2:23; Ephesians 4:1-2, 32; James 1:19).

Focusing on Core Commandments

Jesus summarised the core commandments as loving God and loving your neighbour (Matthew 22:37-40). Even when disagreeing with specific interpretations or passages in the Bible, upholding these fundamental commandments can help guide your actions and interactions with others. Strive to treat others with love, grace, and respect, even when you disagree.

Managing emotions during disagreements

Disagreements are a natural part of life, but they can quickly escalate into something more harmful and destructive if emotions are not managed effectively.

Recognise and acknowledge your emotions

Firstly, it's important to recognise and acknowledge your emotions. Before entering into a difficult conversation, take a moment to reflect on how you're feeling. Identify the specific emotions you're experiencing, as this will help you express them effectively during the discussion.

Focus on the issue

When emotions run high, it's easy to get sidetracked and lose sight of the real issue. Try to maintain a rational mindset and focus on the problem at hand. Ask for background knowledge, ensure everyone has the same information, and work together to find a solution.

Choose your battles

Not every disagreement needs to turn into a full-blown argument. Ask yourself if the matter is truly important and worth pursuing. If someone holds a strong opposing view and doesn't seem open to other perspectives, it may be wiser to let it slide and maintain peace.

Listen more, talk less

Give the other person space to express their viewpoint without interruption. Truly listen and try to understand their perspective. This shows respect for their opinion and helps reduce tension. Ask clarifying questions to ensure you fully comprehend their position before responding.

Take a step back

If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a break from the conversation. A time-out can help you calm down and process your emotions, preventing them from escalating. Take deep breaths, repeat a calming mantra, and try to distance yourself from the negative emotion by acknowledging and labelling it.

Look for common ground

Disagreements can be less heated if you can find some common ground with the other person. Look for shared goals or values, and remember that you're both working towards something similar. This can help foster a sense of camaraderie and reduce the perception of the other person as an adversary.

Express emotions correctly

While it's important to acknowledge your emotions, belittling or ignoring the other person's feelings can quickly escalate the situation. Express and acknowledge emotions in a respectful manner to foster a healthy conversation.

Agree to disagree

If you cannot find a resolution, it's okay to agree to disagree respectfully. This doesn't mean you leave it at that, though. Find a way to live with the disagreement by setting boundaries and determining how you will act towards each other despite your differing views.

Remember, the goal is to manage your emotions effectively to have a productive and respectful conversation, even if you don't see eye to eye.

Avoiding incivility

Incivility is defined as "low-intensity" behaviour that may be demonstrated through actions such as being mildly but consistently rude, discourteous or impolite. It can also manifest as violating workplace norms of behaviour. Incivility can be difficult for a manager to spot as it tends to be more subtle than workplace bullying, yelling or physical violence. Some examples of incivility include eye-rolling, interrupting or talking over someone, making dismissive comments, or speaking disrespectfully.

Incivility can be extremely disruptive to productivity and has been described as the "gateway drug" to workplace harassment or the creation of a hostile work environment. Rude behaviour can impair short-term memory and cognitive ability, and has been shown to damage the immune system, put a strain on families, and produce other deleterious effects.

Model Good Behaviour

Leaders must exhibit the behaviour they want to see in their employees. This means always speaking politely and respectfully to everyone, with no raised voices, no cutting remarks, no door slamming, no talking over people, and no teasing remarks.

Don't Make Excuses

If an employee tells you they have an issue with the way a colleague speaks to them, don't dismiss their concerns. If an employee feels disrespected, it doesn't matter what you think; it matters what they think, and it's a sign that there's a problem that's likely to harm productivity.

Hold Everyone Accountable

Address disrespectful behaviour as soon as you notice it or it's brought to your attention. Take the person aside, point out what they're doing, explain that it's disrespectful, and encourage them to be more aware of their conduct.

Define Acceptable Conduct

Hold a meeting and have everyone agree on 5-10 rules of conduct to provide the foundation for how you all interact. Then, encourage coworkers to enforce the rules they've established for themselves.

Hire and Train for Civility

When interviewing candidates, pay attention to how they treat everyone they encounter. Do they listen to questions fully before answering? Do they interrupt or talk over people? Do they make cutting remarks about former coworkers? If so, their conduct is likely to get worse once they're hired and have settled in.

Pay Attention to the Larger World

Current events impact workplace behaviour. When rudeness is displayed by public figures, it becomes normalized and tends to show up in the workplace a few months later. Prevent this by talking to employees who seem stressed by a news event, the economy, overwork, or personal situations.

Finding common ground

Disagreements are a normal and healthy part of human interaction. However, when emotions run high, it can be challenging to avoid being disagreeable. The Bible offers advice on how to navigate differences of opinion without causing strife.

Firstly, it is important to choose your battles. Ask yourself whether the issue at hand is truly important, or if it is simply a matter of differing opinions. If the latter, it may be wiser to keep silent and preserve peace. This is especially true if the other person is not open to hearing your perspective.

Secondly, when you do choose to engage in a disagreement, it is crucial to do so in a respectful and courteous manner. Avoid insults, name-calling, raising your voice, or other behaviours that will only escalate the conflict. Remember, your goal should be to understand the other person's viewpoint and find common ground, not to prove that you are right.

One way to find common ground is to focus on shared goals or values. For example, if you are discussing a controversial topic with someone, try to identify a shared value or concern that underlies your differing opinions. This can help shift the conversation towards a collaborative approach, where you work together to address the shared concern from different angles.

Additionally, be open to learning from the other person. Even if you disagree with their opinion, recognize that they may have unique insights or experiences that have shaped their viewpoint. By approaching the disagreement with humility and a willingness to learn, you can foster a more positive and productive discussion.

Finally, remember to listen more than you speak. Give the other person time to share their ideas without interruption, and try to truly understand their perspective. This not only shows respect but also helps reduce tension and can lead to a more productive exchange of ideas.

In conclusion, while disagreeable things are not inherently sinful, it is important to navigate disagreements in a respectful and constructive manner. By choosing your battles wisely, maintaining a courteous attitude, seeking common ground, being open to learning, and listening actively, you can find common ground and avoid the pitfalls of being disagreeable.

Understanding the other person's viewpoint

Recognize the Validity of Different Perspectives

It's important to acknowledge that everyone has unique life experiences, perceptions, opinions, and beliefs. These factors contribute to diverse viewpoints, and it's natural to encounter people with differing opinions. Respecting these differences is essential for maintaining respectful interactions.

Manage Your Emotions

When someone challenges your beliefs or opinions, it's normal to experience strong emotions such as anger or fear. However, it's crucial to regulate these emotions and respond in a mindful and values-driven manner. Harvard psychologist Susan David refers to emotions as "signposts," indicating the things we care about. By recognizing and naming our emotions, we can calm ourselves and avoid taking out our frustrations on others.

Seek to Understand

Instead of immediately reacting to a differing viewpoint, take a step back and make an effort to understand the other person's perspective. Ask questions, listen actively, and try to see things from their point of view. This approach demonstrates respect for their opinions and helps clarify areas of disagreement. It also allows you to identify any valid points or insights they may have.

Focus on Common Ground

Disagreements often escalate when opposing sides perceive each other as adversaries. To counter this, look for areas of agreement or shared goals. Remember that you can still respect and collaborate with someone even if you disagree with them on certain issues. By finding common ground, you can foster a more positive and productive dynamic.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

Approach disagreements with a mindset open to learning and self-improvement. Recognize that others may have valuable insights and experiences that contribute to their viewpoints. Be willing to consider alternative perspectives and remain curious about collaborative opportunities. This attitude can lead to mutual understanding and creative solutions.

Choose Your Battles

Not every disagreement needs to turn into a full-blown argument. Evaluate the situation and consider whether it's worth voicing your dissent. If the matter is unimportant or the other person is not open to other perspectives, sometimes the wisest course is to remain silent and preserve the relationship.

By following these guidelines, you can improve your ability to understand others' viewpoints during disagreements. This will help create more constructive and respectful conversations, even when differences of opinion arise.

Frequently asked questions